Blissful Narcissism

2006-09-03T12:13:00.000+08:00

gah.

it's sunday.

tomorrow's monday.

another work week.

aaaaahhhhh.

2006-09-02T18:40:00.000+08:00

did i lie to you?

see?

men with numbers painted on their bodies!

i like the one on the right in the foreground. but then again, I've always been partial to tall men.

sorry for the bad photo too. i'd crop it but i've yet to install my photoshop. hur hur. can't be arsed to really.

in any case, the marketing senior manager has decided to implement the same strategy in a bid to get more response for our academic programmes. hur hur hur. i suggested a rather scrawny colleague of ours and she said that it might elicit a response all right.

From the police.

Tsk tsk tsk.

hur hur.

anyway, recently we had a photo shoot for our new brand campaign, featuring our alumni and one of them is this really hot German guy. so hot that i printed his picture and tacked it to my cubicle, as a motivation to go to work everyday.

hur hur hur hur.

in any case, my boss came to my cubicle today and laughed and called me shameless. hmph. what?

and then she told me that he's married.

damn!

about an hour later, she had to call him and got to his voice mail and she yelled across the office, "Winda! Winda! Want to hear XXX's voice??? Come! Quick! Quick!"

my boss is just every bit as mad as i am, apparently.

so i did and damn, he did NOT sound good.

hur hur.

which further proves this theory of mine that men who sound good on the phone, are often trolls.

hur hur.

okay, not trolls, but let's just say they aren't hot.

in contrast, men who do not sound good are often hot hot hot.

isn't irony such a bitch?

of course, unless you are like Ah Boy, who sounds hot and IS hot.

ahem.

hur hur. look at Winda trying to score points!

Smirk all you want, it comes in handy when you need a favour.

hur hur hur hur hur hur.

2006-09-01T22:13:00.000+08:00

with a fruit punch in my hand

at 5.45pm, we were primping ourselves in the washroom.

at 6.15pm, after i cleared my last ad, we left.

at 6.45pm we arrived at Ministry of Sound.

at 6.50pm we got our arms stamped.

at 7.00pm the show started.

at 7.30pm the show ended.

at 7.45pm we made our way home.

and that, ladies and gentlemen, was my Ministry of Sound experience.

hur hur hur hur.

i was pretty annoyed that the place was so dark that my make-up efforts were wasted. hmph. there were some cuties.

at the end of event, 4 dudes with droolsome bodies appeared, with the new sales hotline painted on their bodies.

i asked my boss if we could bring one back. you know, in case we forget the number.

hur hur.

i was a little disappointed with the launch though. i thought i was going to get more information on the new integrated advertising platform. but all i got was a delicious glass of fruit punch.

and an A4-sized calculator, which I've given to my mom. hur hur. she's always complaining the calculators that i get her are too small anyway. hur hur.

in any case, who wants a temporary position in a corporate communications department for a private education organisation?

the appointment is likely to last for 3 weeks or a month if you're good. or if you're good enough to take over my job, then you'll probably be offered a permanent position so that i can finally leave.

hur hur hur.

please email your resumes at uber_winda@yahoo.com.

oh, if you are offered the job, i'll be training you.

isn't that exciting? I'm an EXCELLENT trainer. hur hur hur.

but if you don't know where a thumbdrive goes, please do not bother, okay? hur hur.

2006-08-31T21:53:00.000+08:00

i have a dream. but it won't get fulfilled anytime soon.

i was up at 5.54am today, yes?

plenty of time to reach work at 8, yes?

i reached at 8.45.

it was one big ass traffic jam.

and when i went home, it took me a whole hour.

damn it.

in any case, today was another bad day. i received an angry email from one of the sales managers because of the ads. i went to my senior manager because well, she was the cause of the anger anyway. i told her that people were pissed. hur hur.

so they sorted it out and that damn sales manager DID NOT tell her the problem he had with her. so i told him off. i told him that if he was so frustrated at her, he should just have told her his concerns. i told him it wasn't fair for him to take out his frustrations on me.

he said he wasn't but he was. i mean, he walks around glaring at me when the person he's pissed with is my boss. it's not fair. i'm not going to take that shit lying down.

in any case, it's over now. sort of.

so yay.

hur hur.

now i must eat.

2006-08-31T07:23:00.000+08:00

a song in my head

Fuel's Hemorrhage is on constant loop in my head.

Why?

Anyway, I woke up at 5.54 this morning.

damn it.

i know i was planning to be early for work but that's just TOO early.

hur hur.

but i had a nightmare. a nightmare that i shall narrate to my mother when she wakes up. because it involved her, my dad, aliens and an old lady.

hur hur hur.

if i could chronicle my dreams and make it into a movie, that would be one bad ass B-grade movie, i tell you.

i shall get ready for work now. i'm feeling quite sleepy. this is disturbing.

p.s. some idiot is honking a few streets away. HELLO. people are still asleep okay. and i don't appreciate that kind of noise early in the morning. get out of the bloody car and exercise some road rage lah. tsk.

2006-08-30T21:39:00.000+08:00

i penat*

FIRST AND FOREMOST.

My birthday is in FOUR months' time.

YAHOOOOOOOO!!!!!

anyway.

today was almost a success.

if not for the damn Sec-Gen who was late. and the President who didn't seem too interested to entertain the ambassadors.

and the part where my boss scolded me for giving the wrong gift.

in the end, she realized that it was her mistake.

hmph.

but the food was relatively good. everyone had good comments on it.

more importantly, everything went without a hitch.

or rather, i resolved the hitches before the bosses could find out. hur hur.

and with the idiots from the IB department.

i'm sorry. but they are a bunch of motherfuckers.

i'm really pissed with them.

the senior manager poured me a cup of drink from the drink that I CATERED, in an attempt to thank me for helping them.

HELPING?

HELPPPINNNGGGG??!!!

I was DOING EVERYFUCKINGTHING.

ALONE!

With unconstructive comments from my boss, who only knows how to add more work to my workplate.

i even made tea for the vice-president. it wasn't my job but let it be known that im a great hostess.

hur hur.

and the VP said he loved my tea.

ahem ahem.

my mother's trained me well. hur hur.

anyway, i was mingling with the management and was talking to the sec-gen who asked me how i liked my job.

i wanted to grab him by the shoulders and say, "I'M NOT BEING PAID NEARLY ENOUGH. OH MY DEAR GOD. PAY ME MORE. GIVE ME MORE MONEY!!!!!!"

but i just giggled (as i ALWAYS do) and said i liked my job. which wasn't a lie.

Even today, when the assholes from the biomed department were giving me a SHIT of a time. Seriously. I wanted to kill them all. Even when i'm having a shit of a day, I still love what I do. I entertain thoughts of quitting but that's usually just me being a drama queen.

in any case, i'm pretty damn proud of myself for pulling off this whole visit all by myself. I'm a Super Temp! that shall be my superhero nickname.

hur hur.

now i shall prepare for CSI and go to bed immediately after the show. remember my plans to be at work by 8 this morning?

yeah. didn't happen.

i arrived at 8.45am. hur hur. i arrived after the President.

hur hur.

oops?

*i'm tired

2006-08-29T22:14:00.000+08:00

i've got no time to party!

guess where i'll be on friday evening?

hur hur hur.

you'll never guess in a million years.

hur hur hur.

i'll be at Ministry of Sound.

hur hur hur.

this amuses me greatly.

i know you're thinking, "But Winda! Aren't supposed to be at some dangdut club or something? Silver Tortoise perhaps?"

hur hur.

in any case, anyone who knows me, knows that i'm no clubber.

and clubbing won't be on the agenda on friday.

i'm going there for work purposes.

MediaCorp is having a trade launch and my boss has asked me to go.

what my boss wants, my boss gets.

just like today.

i was supremely annoyed that i was handling the ambassadors' visit all by myself.

it was supposed to be me just SUPPORTING the International Business department.

SUPPORT.

Like a good bra.

I'm not supposed to be the breasts, doing all the work.

there's something wrong with this analogy.

but i was.

the breasts, i mean.

in fact, i was hanging free. no bra whatsoever. the stupid IB department didn't do a single thing.

I wrote the proposal paper, I got the approval, I got the caterer, I planned the menu, I made the booking, I coordinated with the facilities guys, I informed the various staff members of their duties, I prepared the corporate kits, I prepared the welcome message and I prepared the presentation slides.

and MORE IMPORTANTLY, I spent THREE MONTHS trying to secure this date with the ambassadors.

like as if i haven't done enough, my boss kept saying that if anything screws up, it'd be on me.

gah.

you know what i'm loking forward to though?

the food i catered.

hur hur.

it looks damn good.

on paper, at least.

hur hur hur.

i should get ready for bed. a little bird told me that it's refreshing to come in to work early because you can get a lot of work done since there's no one around to bother you. so i'm going to try that out tomorrow. with hope. i was supposed to be ON TIME for work today but i woke up late. hur hur hur. me and my big fat dreams.

in any case, the rumour mill in the office is in overdrive. everyone's speculating that i am in love with Mr Coldplay because apparently i have a 'huge smile' on my face when i talk to him. i ALWAYS have a huge smile on my face. Unless my boss is around. she just incites pain and depression in me. hur hur.

anyway. i shall go to bed now.

2006-08-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

Only Slurpees have the answer

i had a terribly trying day today.

i knew i had to be prepared for resistance when the change took place, but i didn't expect to meet with such resistance. so much resistance that it sucks the life out of me. i come home from work everyday, drained.

the only bright spot in my day today was the Slurpee i had.

man, it was SO good.

the prawn noodles i had were good too.

hur hur.

anyway, as i was saying, work was trying. and i noticed that Level 2 Cutie was sporting a ring on his ring finger.

damn it. his boss gave me the wrong information. he's married after all! or taken, at least.

and Mr. Coldplay has a live-in girlfriend.

i'll admit to having a slight crush-lust on Mr. Coldplay. even with the full knowledge that he's got a girlfriend.

but a live-in girlfriend is a larger obstacle.

damn it.

today has not been good!

and then amoy called and oh my dear amoy, if only i could drown your sorrows with food. for now, a big hug would have to suffice. i'll give you a big, real one come November okay my larling?

and then i spoke to lina and we got depressed about our lack of pay. i spent three extra years in school only to be offered a pay that would have been offered to me anyway, had i not gone for further studies.

See?

School brings you NOTHING.

i'm not any smarter. my worth is obviously unchanged.

SO depressing.

lina came up with a term to describe our kind of luck - nasib stokin - sock luck.

I jazzed it up and for me, it's nasib stokin bacin. Smelly sock luck.

My luck is like a dirty sock, strewn on the ground, abandoned, left to fester in its own filth.

gah.

i think my boss cursed me.

2006-08-27T16:14:00.000+08:00

unphotographable

i went to Ulu Pandan today to pick the photo i want framed. last week the photographer took several shots and so today i went to choose the ones i wanted.

about 20 shots and all of them had me looking constipated. or some variation of the "kill me. kill me now" look.

there were some pretty ones of me (ahem.) but either my brothers were looking idiotic (not that they can help themselves. ha ha.) or my mom looked bored or my dad looking as though he's about to sneeze.

and looking at the photos, all of us have slitty eyes.

what tragedy.

an even bigger tragedy?

i have to work tomorrow.

sob.

2006-08-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

what? i thought it was pretty funny!

sometimes when i call Mr Coldplay and he's not at his desk, his colleague answers the phone by saying, "Hello, Mr. Coldplay's desk!"

It amuses me but I don't know her well enough to crack jokes but the other evening, I couldn't resist myself and so I said, "Oh. Hi Mr. Coldplay's desk!"

hur hur.

She laughed and handed the phone to Mr. C, who had returned to his desk and the following conversation ensued.

Me: Hey. I HAVE to know where you bought your desk!

Mr. C: ....Why...?

Me: It talks!

Mr. C: (groans) Oh my Godddddddd.

Me: hee hee hee. Is that the corniest joke you've ever heard???

hur hur hur.

He didn't think it was funny!

WHY!

I thought it was pretty hilarious!!!

hmph.

Don't YOU think it's funny?!

hur hur hur.

man, i'm so lame.

2006-08-26T13:30:00.000+08:00

i'm personal-restraining-order-free!

i was within an arm's length away from Dr Vivian Balakrishnan yesterday!

Aaaaah!

remember the self-restraint i spoke about a few days back? Well, I exercised it.

On hindsight, that might have been the wrong move. I should have just grabbed his shirt and said, "DR BALAKRISHNAN! I LOVE YOU!" and plant a huge smacker on him, eh.

hur hur hur.

of course, it could result in me losing my job but you know, I'll go down in history as the first person to ever sexually harrass a minister.

or has someone else already laid claim on that title?

hur hur.

in any case, he was talking about Lee Kuan Yew and how the Minister Mentor doesn't like.

Yeah, that was all I heard. I really should have ran after him and said, "What?! What doesn't the MM like?!!"

hur hur. okay i kid.

I wouldn't run.

I'm pretty sure I could yell loud enough for him to hear my question.

hur hur.

in any case, my job yesterday was to prevent the reporters from interviewing Dr Vivian B because well, i suppose he wasn't in a very talkative mood yesterday? hur hur. no, he requested not to be interviewed, so you know, apart from being everything that I already am to the organisation, now I have to be a bouncer. or bodyguard, whatever.

hur hur.

the climactic moment came when the reporters left the staff lounge and dr vivian b happened to be walking past the lounge. i attempted to shoo the reporter into the lounge but she refused to and i started worrying about what she might do to the minister.

would she shove her voice recorder at him and in preventing her from doing so, i'd have to wrestle her?

would she throw a punch at me in an attempt to force her way to the minister and i'd have to physically block her from doing so?

would there be a cat fight, with me pulling her hair and bitchslapping her?

such thoughts, in the critical 10 seconds that the minister was walking past.

it went without a hitch.

i looked at the reporter nervously and she just stood there looking at him.

ahhh. the beauty of man does that to you sometimes.

hur hur hur.

in any case, after the minister left, we all went to the conference room to eat the food that was catered for him.

hur hur.

it was good!

anyway, a few weeks back, i entertained the idea of being a politician because i didn't have the look of a rock star and the only other job i could think of that allows you to walk into a room and everyone stands up to clap, was a politician. and you get to wave at strangers as though to say, "Yes yes. I am hot. Yes yes. Clap for me. In fact, bow to me."

But I wouldn't want to go for silly campus tours and sit through presentations I could care less about, while maintaining a believable look of interest.

Plus, do I really want to expose myself to vulnerabilities and risks such as mad post-teenage boys throwing themselves at me because they think I'm hot?

Hmmm.

well actually i wouldn't mind.

hur hur.

hmmm. okay. i shall now go to ponder about a career in politics.

2006-08-24T22:14:00.000+08:00

bixda: resurrected

remember bixda?

it's back!

resurrected by lina!

i love lina.

she bought me a bixda! the exact same one!

hur hur hur.

thank you my darling. i shall repay you in ways you won't imagine.

hur hur hur hur hur hur hur.

in any case, i voted for hady ten times!

i've been tricked!

lina cheated me. she was campaigning for everyone to vote for hady, paul and jonathan. so i voted 5 more times upon her insistence.

but she didn't vote herself.

HMPPPPHHH.

hur hur.

and i thought each sms was $0.20! turns out it's $0.60. DAMN MediaCorp and their money-making ways!!!

oh well. at least he got through.

hur hur.

Kau lah satu-satunyaaaaa...di antara berjutaaaaaa...insan terisssssstimewaaaa....

hur hur hur hur hur.

i am SO lame.

2006-08-24T21:38:00.000+08:00

superscript comma

i only found out today that this ' is called an apostrophe and NOT aprostophe.

i'm so ashamed.

i've been spelling it wrong all these years. more importantly, i've been calling it by the wrong term all these years.

and i get paid to correct people's usage of the English language?!!

money well spent by the organisation, i say!

in any case, today the tempie said to me, "How come we're both temps but you seem to be busier than I am?"

If only I had the answer to that.

This whole week has been a nightmare. Today was the worst. I had to explain to one of the sales managers that we couldn't use the image he wanted for his ad and he gave me a really hard time about it. I didn't really take offense because I know he's mad at my boss and just taking it out on me.

hur hur.

Oh well. I suppose I should take offense but I quite like him and he feeds me chocolates, so I decided to give him a break.

And my boss kept asking me to solve problems that I can't solve. Gah.

And I have to train the new manager how to handle ads and my boss has given me new writing assignments and I'm handling all the ads with the new agency, which frankly, makes me want to quit my job.

hur hur hur.

I love what I'm doing but I seriously think the designer who is doing my ads is a fuckwit.

There I said it.

I've been wanting to say it all week.

hur hur hur.

The longer I am in the workforce, the more I'm convinced that common sense is elusive to many many people.

I spend half an hour writing the stupid brief and they come back with mistakes that no person with half a brain would make.

hur hur. it's fucking annoying.

I'm currently having a lot of trouble trying to think about what copy the ads should carry. I should quit and become a copywriter.

hmph.

The only bright spot in my day is Mr Coldplay. I look forward to his call everyday because he always has something amusing to say to me. hur hur. Today he called and he asked why I was so quiet. I told him that I was having some problems with the new ad agency and he told me that he was having some problems with my supervisor. I asked if she yelled at him and he said No, but that he went for a smoke after he spoke with her.

I think I need to pick that habit up. I'm sure that by the time I leave the company, I'll die of lung cancer.

hur hur.

There's this other idiotic colleague of mine who also amuses me. We play this stupidly childish game (he started it!) where we say "Idiot!" when the other walks past and see if the other turns in response. And then we'd say, "Ha ha. You're an idiot."

It's SO childish, isn't it? Fancy a 24 and 32 year old playing such a stupid game. But it amuses me. hur hur.

Anyway, I wonder where Ah Boy is. I miss him. I shall sms him now.

2006-08-23T20:40:00.000+08:00

you can't touch this

there's this woman from the Language department who likes touching me inappropriately. the first time we spoke she was rubbing my shoulders, squeezing my arm, etc. I didn't say anything because well, I was a newbie.

I should have done something because now it has escalated!

The other day she was asking why we were switching ad agencies and so I told her that the committee decided to do so. And she started speculating that the higher ups were sleeping with the girls from the ad agency.

As she said that, she moved her hand down my thigh towards my crotch.

What the fuck?!

hur hur.

Was that an invitation?!

hur hur.

she scares me, you know!

The following day I spoke with her and she started touching me. I thought, That's it. Enough is enough!

So I told her to stop touching me. hur hur hur.

And she said, "But you're so voluptuous. I can't help myself."

Of COURSE you can. I see hot men I want to sink my teeth into all the time, but do I do it? NO!

It's called SELF-RESTRAINT.

hur hur.

anyway, i must vote for hady this week. he chose one of my favourite songs. Yes. I like Sheila Majid. I think she's awesome. hur hur.

in any case, he did a pretty good job. and i must help him move on to next week!

hur hur.

plus he's quite cute. hur hur.

i didn't vote for mathilda and see what happened! Damn you Singaporeans. tsk tsk tsk.

okay. i must read my ad briefs now.

2006-08-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

Winda needs some lovin'

bad things are happening at work!

my boss wants to pull me out of ad coordination.

sob.

and put me in charge of writing.

sniff.

i don't want to write! i love to write but not as a job. especially not under my boss. she likes to rewrite everything i've written which is pointless.

i've told Mr Coldplay to put in a request to ask my boss to reinstate me in my ad coordination position if it so happens.

hur hur.

Mr Coldplay who called me a badut! How dare he! I told him I wanted to be the office entertainer and he called me the office clown instead.

YES.

There IS a difference.

hmph.

in any case, i hate my boss.

hmph.

anyway, things are just plain ass weird at the homefront.

i need a hug.

2006-08-21T01:22:00.000+08:00

that is one hot piece of ass

michael buble.

mmmmm.

He's not hot.

But something about him makes me want to throw the big granny underpants my friends got me for my birthday at him.

those cheeks.

and especially those lips.

but those ears. a little big.

hur hur.

still sexy nonetheless.

i think that back when i was younger, my parents should have insisted i continued with my electone lessons.

then who knows, i could have grown up to be an electone player for michael buble. and i'd have long, sexy, electonist fingers.

and he'd fall in love with me because all he could ever want in a woman is one with long, sexy electonist fingers.

and i'll be mrs winda buble. hur hur hur. and we'd have kids with big ears (his) and big noses (mine).

hur hur. life is always funner in FantasyLand.

2006-08-20T20:19:00.000+08:00

panic on a sunday night

i haven't thought of the copy for my ad.

my boss wants it tomorrow.

i'm so dead.

and i haven't submitted FIVE ad briefs.

i'm even deader.

anyway, my family and i went to Ulu Pandan today to get a family photo taken by a professional photographer.

the photographer was amusing. hur hur hur.

and i had to stand on a phone book because i was too short! hur hur hur.

in any case, this all doesn't matter because i'll be dead tomorrow after my boss staples me to death. or pushes me to the floor and then pushes the many many stacks of commemorative books onto me. or stabs me with the tape dispenser.

gah.

2006-08-19T21:25:00.000+08:00

am i such a cynic when it comes to love?

All these years, whenever I sing along to Take That's A Million Love Songs, I'll sing,

A million love songs are made uppppp
Here I am trying to tell youuuu that I cannnn
A million love songs are made uppppp
Hereeee I ammmm

Which led me to think, Man, they are so stupid. Why would ONLY a million love songs be made up? And here he is trying to tell her that he can what? Full of grammatical mistakes, this song!

Ten years later and I find out that the actual lyrics are:

A million love songs later
Here I am trying to tell you that I care
A million love songs later
Here I am

hur hur hur.

anyway, today my boss asked me something that a woman should never ask another woman.

she asked, "How old do you think I am?"

I actually know how old she was but I shaved off 10 years and said, "Ummm. Late 30s?"

She smiled and wrote her real age on my post-it pad.

*shocked look*

"Wow! You don't look it!"

hur hur hur.

And this, my friends, is how you survive in the workplace when your boss is a woman.

2006-08-19T16:23:00.000+08:00

Ms Temp Boss

I didn't have to fire the girl today.

Phew.

Her recruitment agent called her and broke the news before I had to.

hur hur hur.

But I did give her some advice on how to succeed in the working world because I am Winda and Winda imparts wisdom on a regular basis.

hur hur.

in any case, i got her to cut out my ads for me before she left. so now i don't have to do it. hur hur hur hur.

told you i'm wise.

anyway, my boss came in (she was not activated today) at noon to pass me some cheques (not mine. sigh.) and to complain. she's been complaining alot to me lately, mostly about the management and my supervisor.

i pretend to be sympathetic but all i could focus on was trying to find out what was the brand of the undies she was wearing. they were peeking out of her low pants. they were calling out to me to have a look. anyway, i figured they were DKNY.

oh side story.

the other day the account director from our new ad agency came for a training session. i was seated next to her and she was standing, while presenting, so my eyes were at her crotch level.

she was wearing a particularly clingy dress and to my surprise and curiosity, something was sticking out from her crotch. i couldn't figure it out! i thought it was some kind of piercing but i think the piercing was in the wrong, um, location. if i understand correctly, i think it should have been lower.

in any case, i have yet to solve the mystery because i didn't really want to stare too intently as her colleague was sitting opposite me and she might start wondering why i was eyeing her boss' crotch.

hur hur.

ANYWAY.

So my boss came in and complained and complained. I giggled a few times because, well, that's what I do when I'm uncomfortable. She revealed some confidential bits with me and I had to pretend to be shocked because well, I'd known for a while. hur hur. She said, "Yah, you didn't know, right?"

I just nodded with what I hope was a shocked expression.

hur hur.

She commented that the reason why some of the employees are still around even though they aren't good at their work, was because of their race.

I said that I wouldn't be surprised if that were true because that's just how the world works. Like, for instance, my supervisor hinted that the reason why they refuse to give me my asking price could be because I was of the wrong race. I just shrugged and said that it didn't surprise me. Shit like this happens all the time and while I'd like to change it, I think it'd just be easier for me to annihilate the whole world. hur hur hur.

But I also blame the stigma on some really lazy Malays. they give us a bad name, yo. Damn you mats and minahs!

Asik nak camping kat pantai je. Joget-joget kat kelab dangdut je. Pergilah buat kerja yang ada manfaat sikit. Aku yang tak bersalah pun jadi scapegoat.

in any case, ever since i've joined the company, i've been put in an awkward position many many times. when i'm with my supervisor, she complains about my boss. when i'm with my boss, she complains about my supervisor.

i'm not complaining, i actually like the fact that i'm filled with lots of information. knowledge, is, afterall, power.

muahahhaa.

okay. i'm tired. time for my afternoon nap. hur hur hur.

2006-08-19T00:16:00.000+08:00

~~Senior Temp Staff~~ *Bao Ga Liao Staff

Give me a moment to complain.

My job scope at discussed in the interview:

1) Assist in the 50th anniversary celebrations below-the-line marketing

2) Oversee and coordinate production of advertisements and collateral

My job scope 3 months later:

1) Oversee and coordinate production of advertisements and collateral

2) Below-the-line marketing for anniversary celebrations

3) Sole vetter (one who vets, of course) of all corporate information for ad-hoc events and promotional material

4) Sole writer for ad-hoc editorial needs

5) Middlewoman between my boss and people she doesn't like

6) Inventory tallier

7) Inventory collector

8) Camera keeper

9) Information counter

10) Filer (one who files)

11) Scolder (for when some service provider screws up)

12) Trainer

13) Brief Vetter (vetting of brief)

14) Account service (internal clients)

15) Brief Sender(sending of brief to agency)

16) Brief Chaser (chasing internal clients for brief)

17) Media Schedule "GATEKEEPER" as put forth by my boss

18) Event date co-ordinator

19) Logo Sender (e.g. Can I have the corporate logo! Winda! Can I have the university logo!)

20) Magazine sub-editor

And in addition to that, I'm also now a copywriter. Even though we pay the new ad agency thousands of dollars, I have to do THEIR job.

i'm paid 10% of what they're getting, okay.

And I was so unimpressed with their ad layout. Even I could have done that.

If my boss says I need to do the layout too, I should just quit and join the ad agency.

hur hur hur.

And not only am I a copywriter, I've been given the horrible task of firing one of the tempies tomorrow.

WHY MEEEEE?

My boss says it'll be good training ground for me.

Excuse my language, but what the fuck?

It's going to be years till I get a chance to fire anyone, okay.

sigh.

apa lah nasib saya ni. macam kobis basi.

I think I'll get the HR Senior Manager to be present though. hur hur.

my god. i've got so much work to do tomorrow. thanks for the silly girls who kept slowing me down today.

hmph.

*bao ga liao is Hokkien, if I'm not wrong, for 'everything'. For instance, when I say I'm a 'bao ga liao' staff, it means I do EVERYTHING and BEYOND my job scope. hur hur. well something to that effect anyway.

2006-08-18T07:34:00.000+08:00

my laziness gets in the way of life

i woke up early today!

hence the blogging.

these days i'm getting lazier and lazier to blog at night or even go online. work has been sucking every ounce of my energy, especially with the brilliant people i've to work with.

yesterday, my manager told one of the tempies to find out the police commissioner's address to send our commemorative book to and the tempie said, "Oh you mean his home address?"

....

Why? Are we going for a tea party at his place?

hur hur hur.

and then the other tempie told me that the "home address" tempie has been restarting her computer everytime the screensaver comes on because she thinks the computer has hanged.

did i mention that she's doing a degree?

going into her 3rd year of study.

now, i'm not a mean person. welll, okay i am. if i weren't i wouldn't be laughing while typing this.

hur hur.

but you know, this girl is a gem. she makes my life filled with laughter. hur hur. albeit at her expense.

okay. let me give you another example that frustrated me.

we have 70 names in a certain database. i got her to print the mailing labels for these names. only 21 came out.

when i asked her where the other 49 were, she said she didn't know.

well i'm not going to conjure them up out of thin air, woman!

or the other day, when she printed out mailing labels and told my manager that she didn't know where the mailing labels came out from.

if you print something, wouldn't you look at the printer for the output?

it's not rocket science, you know. hur hur hur hur hur.

in any case, my manager has given up on them and has told me to supervise them. this was after she ended up with headache and fever shortly after talking about them. hur hur hur. we both have chest pains everytime we discuss them.

you know, looking at them just further reiterates my belief that your education does not necessarily determine your work aptitude.

for instance, the two tempies are of the same age. one's from an ITE and the other is from a private education organisation, doing a degree.

i have no problems with the ITE girl. she is bright and i need only explain to her once and she gets it. she does her work quickly and uses her brain.

the degree girl on the other hand, needs guidance at every step. three different people have taught her how to mail merge and she still doesn't get it. it's not that hard. it comes with a wizard! i mean, i got it at the first try and i'm the least bright among all.

my manager wants to return degree girl to the recruitment agency but i advised her against it. we have her for two weeks so I might as well use her services to clear my backlog.

hur hur hur.

she can cut my ads and file them for me. and do my ISO shit for me. and prepare corporate kits for me.

but i'm quite nervous because lately i've had to redo everything that she has done. i just hope it doesn't mean extra work for me. hur hur hur.

okay i'm bordering on being late for work. so i must go. hur hur.

I wonder what today brings me!

2006-08-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

i talked about this till my chest hurt

so.

part of the job given to the two tempies involves mail merging of letters and labels.

okay, i know that the mail merge function isn't used widely so i understand the initial confusion that comes along with using it. but some things just require a little bit of common sense.

right?

okay. so basically the mail merge function cuts down your work in half because if you've already got a database of names and addresses, and you have a standard letter to send to everyone in the database, the mail merge function extracts the information from the database and inserts it into letter.

the function also allows you to extract the same information and insert it into mailing labels.

so.

after mail merging the letters, we got the girls to do the labels.

what goes on mailing labels, everyone???

names and addresses you'd like to send the mail to, right?

you'd think that it's SO simple that no one would get it wrong.

but no. some people just like to amuse me in some spectacular way that i can't resist sharing it with you.

one of the girls attempted to fit in all the letters INTO the mailing labels.

WHY?

why would anyone do that?!!!

sigh.

hur hur hur.

anyway, speaking of amusing me.

today my boss came to work with a clothes peg still on her top.

hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur.

i am SO going to miss this place.

2006-08-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

sometimes work amuses me

(phone rings)

Winda: Hello, Winda speaking.

Agency Guy: Windaaaa! My briefs!

W: What? What? Why would I know anything about your briefs! (snicker snicker)

AG: Hahaha. My ad brief!!!

W: Hur hur hur.

AG: And I don't wear briefs.

W: ....ummmm....

AG: I wear boxers.

W: Good thing you added the last bit there. hur hur.

-------

(Supervisor, colleague and I were talking about his article)

Supervisor: David, yours is too long!

Winda: hur hur hur. Aren't you glad you have that problem, David?

-------

Winda: David! Where's your brief!

David: (looks at his crotch)

Winda: Please. I don't want to know about your choice in underwear!

-------

We have two temp girls helping out with the sending of the anniversary books and I assist my supervisor in overseeing their work and well, them. more importantly (or annoyingly), i answer their questions.

Winda: Okay, so do you know where the USB port is?

Temp Girl #1: Yes. I heard you can store documents in it.

I couldn't be bothered to explain to her that THAT was called a thumbdrive. She'll figure out sooner or later. hur hur.

(The next day)

Temp Girls: Ummm Winda. Where do we plug this thumbdrive?

Winda: Look for the hole that looks like it can fit the thumbdrive lah!

It isn't rocket science, you know. But I went over to help them anyway. hur hur.

(A few hours later)

Winda: You know, I'm surprised that they don't even know where to plug the thumbdrive in.

Supervisor: Yah! I know! One of them has never even heard of a thumbdrive before!

Winda: I wonder, how do they expect to survive in the world when they don't know what things are supposed to go in which holes.

hur hur.

-------

Supervisor and I went to visit our colleague who had recently given birth and we told her about our the new temp girls.

Supervisor: We currently have two temp girls to help us with the books.

Me: Not me, okay. Two other girls.

Colleague: Ooh. So what are you now?

Me: I'm the senior temp staff, obviously. Three months! About time they promoted me! And I have two staff under me! hahahaha.

-------

Sigh. I'm such a funny girl.

Work has been confusing. Everyone's been asking me to stay. If they aren't, they keep asking me when my last day will be. I wanna say that they're asking because they want to throw me a big party, but I just think they're really waiting for the day to be rid of me.

hur hur hur hur.

2006-08-13T19:12:00.000+08:00

i'm in love with a boy named niyaz

if that, is indeed how you spell his name.

he's my cousin's first born.

sooo cute. i could eat his cheeks all day.

now, my cousins are a reproductive lot. the last i counted was they gave birth to about 14 kids. and that was years ago. there are probably about 20 now.

anyway, i've always had a problem trying to figure out what to call these kids. and i don't mean that i can't figure out their names. although, that is quite true. i can't remember half of their names. they're just so many of them and they all have such strange names! apparently Ali and Aminah are no longer cool names.

in any case, at first i referred to them as my nephews and nieces, but that wasn't very accurate. because neither of my brothers has 14 kids. so i thought, hmmm, maybe they're my 2nd cousins. but 2nd cousins would be the relationship between the kids of my parents' cousins and me.

so i googled away.

turns out niyaz (or however you spell his name) is my first cousin, once removed. i always thought that 'removed' applied to relationships between people when divorces occur.

hur hur.

i never claimed to be bright, okay.

but apparently 'removed' here refers to the difference in the number of generations between you and the person in question.

for instance, niyaz's great grandparents are my grandparents.

so, if he has kids (because i'm never having kids because i'm going to die alone. sniff.), they will be my first cousins, twice removed. i think.

hehehe.

well if you know better, then please, leave me a comment. i might have confused myself.

hur hur hur.

2006-08-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

was it just my imagination?

i was in bed earlier and my bed moved.

hur hur.

slightly.

it wasn't like it was in the room one second and in the hall the next, but it definitely moved.

like someone bumped into it.

it wasn't me because i was riveted with the TV programme i was watching and was definitely not moving.

hur hur.

exciting?

i'm kinda dreading having to sleep alone tonight. hur hur.

what can i say, i'm a wuss!

anyway, please watch Click. it's such a great movie. i cried twice!

so did the girl next to me!

hur hur hur.

i saw her (out of the corner of my eye) discreetly fish out a tissue paper to dab at her eyes.

and i heard people sniffling.

it was moving! the movie, not the people.

hur hur.

i, well, i had tears streaming down my face. it wasn't THAT sad but i'm suffering from mood swings, so give me a break.

hur hur.

okay. i shall prepare for bed now.

2006-08-12T09:23:00.000+08:00

we'll now be discussing my sleeping habits

it's saturday!

i work alternate saturdays, right?

right!

i was activated last saturday which means i'm not today, right?

right.

i'm going to work in a bit.

why?

because.

because i owe many many write-ups to many many people.

hur hur.

oops.

i can only write at night or on saturdays because that's when people stop bugging me for nanoseconds.

so off to work i go.

plus the workmen opposite my house building a new apartment complex are driving me nuts with their hammering and so forth.

plus my boss called me to ask me what the fax number for our 2nd centre in dhoby ghaut was.

why must she assume that i know it by heart?!

hmph.

but i do.

hur hur.

but i shall forgive her because she just texted me asking if i want a job with one of our alumni members.

she has days when she's nice. i don't deny that.

hur hur.

ANYWAY.

i'm writing not to talk about my job.

i'm writing to complain to you, my dear readers.

i've been waking up tired and aching lately. and there are days when that happens. those are the days when i often have dreams.

for instance, the other night i dreamt that Nick was a teacher. he wore a white shirt and a blue necktie. and for some reason, a thick, thick layer of foundation on his face.

it was just so strange!

and then last night i dreamt that hawa and i went to some decrepit shopping mall, which surprisingly had a TopShop in it. hur hur. there was the discount outlet of TopShop on the 3rd floor so, being the cheapskate that I am, i went there. for some reason, i had a feeling of deja vu in my dream, like i've been to this shop before, in another dream.

hmmm.

then hawa and i ventured out of a door on the 3rd floor and ended up in a construction site, where some contractors chased after us, trying to rape/murder us.

hur hur.

so we ran.

seems like that's all i do in my dreams. always running running running.

in any case, all these dreams ends with me waking up either 1) gasping or 2) in pain from all the aches or 3) wondering where the hell i am.

the third brings me to another point i have.

these days i move around so much when i'm asleep that more often than not, i wake up and wonder where the hell i am. usually when i wake up, the first thing i see is the clock across the room. but these days, i wake up to my wardrobe or the framed photos of myself on the wall. so it disorientates me and i wonder if i'd woken up in someone else's bed.

hur hur.

and speaking of moving around in my sleep, the other day, i woke up while in the midst of throwing pillows onto the floor.

i mean, what the hell is that all about?

i wonder if i have a lot of rage inside of me.

hur hur.

i think i need a sleep therapist! or a sleeping buddy who'll watch me when i sleep and so can report just what i get up to doing when i'm sleeping.

gah.

failing that, someone will have to strap me to the bed so i won't move about so much.

2006-08-11T17:54:00.000+08:00

why i needed a break today

i didn't go to work today.

i was 'sick'.

ahem.

hehe.

on an unrelated note, i found a few interesting job openings.

hur hur hur.

ANYWAY.

i was unwell yesterday, as i've mentioned. i wasn't "unhappy inside" but i was feeling out of sorts.

i'll explain how i knew this was so.

i keep a pair of sandals under my desk at work because sometimes i wear heels to work and it just didn't make any sense to wear heels around the campus because first, they hurt and second, there aren't anyone cute enough willing to check out my footwear.

so yesterday i was wearing a turquoise top and so i wore my turquoise sandals to work. i was unwell, i said, so heels weren't on the fashion menu.

i came to work and as usual at 10am, i went out to buy a cup of red apple juice.

i went back in and looked at my feet.

i was wearing a turquoise sandal on my left foot and a brown sandal on my right.

WHY, WINDA WHY?!!

SUCH SHAME!!!!!

luckily no one pointed and laughed. but then again, i would have appreciated it if they had done that so i could run back into the office to change the sandals.

HMPH!

but NOOOO. i was walking around with mismatched footwear!

the ONLY good thing about it was that the turquoise sandal matched my top and the brown one matched my pants.

sigh.

2006-08-11T16:18:00.000+08:00

but what's wrong with the way i look?

i received a phone call from a number i didn't recognize this morning.

it was someone from Naughty by Nature Image Consultants.

apparently i had won a free makeover.

ALL RIGHT.

Somebody CONFESS.

WHO HAS BEEN SELLING MY CONTACT DETAILS TO IMAGE CONSULTANTS?

You can just tell me that I look like crap, you know. You don't have to go beat about the bush.

hmmmmmppphh.

in any case, i asked her the same question i ask every stranger who calls me.

Where did you get my number?!?!

i mean, i know some company must have been selling off my contact details because i don't take part in lucky draws anymore, but it's fun to listen to them try to lie their way out.
hur hur.

anyway, i let her tell me that i'll get free hair and make-up and that i'll get to choose not one but TWO, oh my god! TWO! pictures in a CD-ROM!

she actually said, "Imagine, Winda. You'll get to bring home a CD-ROM with two of your pictures in it!"

WOW.

I'll DEFINITELY agree to it now!

hur hur.

ahh. i'm so amused.

2006-08-10T22:45:00.000+08:00

oh i ache ache ache

i woke up this morning with a body full of aches.

i was aching all over and every part of me was so sensitive that if someone were to poke me, i'd probably *bruise like a peach just like Ross Geller.

hur hur.

even my fingers and toes hurt as i walked, or rather, hobbled around the office.

my boss told my manager, "Winda is not all right today."

which led to the following conversation:

Boss: Are you okay?

Me: Not really, why?

Boss: That's why. You don't look okay. Are you sad?

Me: Hur hur. what? No!

Boss: Are you unhappy inside? *pats her chest to indicate what she meant*

Me: Hahaha. No! I'm fine!

Boss: Are you temperamental?

Me: **No, am I?

Boss: No, that's the thing. You're not. So why are you not okay?

Me: I just ache all over. My body is aching so much.

Boss: Is it because you're going to get that...you know...*nods knowingly*

I feel great when coaxed into sharing details of my menstrual cycle with my boss. really.

Me: Maybe. I don't know. I think I'm dying. Or if I'm not dying then I might kill myself.

Pesky Colleague: (from a distance) Want any help???

I hate him. hur hur. but I shall forgive him since he gave me chocolates today.

in any case, i've just reformatted my computer. Ashok of Compaq called today, even though he was supposed to call yesterday and the first thing i said to him was, "You're a day late!!!"

hur hur.

apparently he couldn't get through, so i told him to call at 7.30 this evening. I suppose he couldn't get through again.

i had no choice but to reformat the computer anyway because some file was corrupt. i wouldn't be surprised if the psycho hacker did it. hur hur.

anyway, for everyone's knowledge, i will not be posting any pictures of me with my new broom-like hairstyle because save that one moment of insanity, i've never posted pictures of myself on my blog. what makes you think i'll be posting any now? hur hur hur.

if you want hairstyling tips, please google away! so many resources at your disposal! don't be trying to steal my fabulous broom hairstyle!

now shoo!

* Joke from FRIENDS. I'm a geek, what can I say.

** I am actually VERY temperamental. But I keep my temper in check when I'm at work. I reserve my mood swings for the people I love. hur hur.

2006-08-09T23:47:00.000+08:00

what i did on national day

i brought home the final proof of my company's magazine to vet.

for what?

it sat in my bag all day.

and the next time i'll be touching it will be tomorrow, when i remove it from my bag and start vetting it frantically.

but i'm at a point where i've got nothing to lose, job wise, i mean. if they fire my ass, i'll say, hit me! then i can leave sooner than expected.

hur hur hur.

anyway, i started the day by cleaning the house and discovering strange items in the washing machine.

then i persuaded my mom to go to the mall with me because i wanted to buy both she and my dad a gift.

of all the things they could have asked for, of ALL the exciting things, my mom asked me to buy a bottle of joint pain pills and pills to alleviate menopausal symptoms.

tsk.

hur hur.

and my dad asked for an ice-cream treat.

what is wrong with them!

hur hur.

but i must say that my mom's pills added up to almost $100! who knew!

hur hur.

and then i watched the parade on tv, and gave all of you a live narration of it.

hur hur.

and then at the end of the night, my mom cut my hair!

i now have short hair!

or rather, shorter hair.

i've got a strange feeling the length is not the same all around.

hur hur.

i don't know if i look any younger (because that's what short hair does for you!) but my head definitely feels lighter (although this is dangerous. any lighter and my head would start floating. you know, being an airhead and all. good thing my ass will weigh it down. ha ha.) and i anticipate the time i spend in the shower will be reduced by half!

yay.

and i will lose less hair.

hopefully.

and i'll save on shampoo!

hur hur hur.

and the time spent to dry my hair!

it's an all-win situation, i say!

and now i must finish my slurpee so i can sleep and go to work tomorrow.

2006-08-09T19:06:00.000+08:00

the one day that i am patriotic

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

i love National Day.

This year it's especially significant for me.

Because it's also Free-From-Pamela Day.

hur hur.

Pamela is of course, my boss.

in any case, i don't know what it is but National Day has a way of making me feel proud to be a Singaporean.

since leaving school, it's the only day that i'd sing the national anthem. hur hur hur.

eh. Goh Chok Tong just sang it wrongly. hur hur hur hur hur hur.

he was distracted by the choppers carrying the flag. i don't blame him, it IS a pretty awesome sight.

hur hur.

the *F-16 jets just flew past my house!

hur hur.

i'm not sure i'm giving you a running commentary on the parade but it gives me something to do.

hur hur hur.

the choppers just flew past my house!

man, the birds in my neighbourhood are sufficiently traumatised.

you know, i've been to the preview and i've seen the fireworks but i know that at 8, i'll be parking my ass at my balcony waiting for the fireworks as i have been doing since i first moved in here.

hur hur.

in any case, you know how the president will walk around to inspect the guards of honour? and sometimes he'd stop to talk to a few of them? i wonder what they talk about.

President: So, you're looking sharp today.

GOH: Thank you sir. It took me hours to iron my uniform.

President: Right. Are you feeling quite bored then, just standing here, doing nothing?

GOH: Yes sir. In fact I'm a little hungry.

President: Are you? Well. Fancy some kaya bread? I have one in my Fun Pack.

GOH: That would be great sir.

President: Righto. Well come get it from me later. Bye!

hur hur. okay. maybe the conversation would not go quite like that. That sounded much too English. hur hur.

or what if when the parade commander asks the president, "Mr President, may I have your permission to get these **people to march off?" and the president gets cheeky and says, "No, you may not."

What happens then?!

are there contingency plans for situations like this?

see, this is why i'll never be president. hur hur.

in any case, Mr Coldplay wished me a happy national day yesterday and I wished him a happy public holiday since he's not Singaporean.

Mr C: Happy National Day!

Me: Happy Public Holiday! I'll have to wear red tomorrow!

Mr C: I'll be wearing yellow.

Me: You Malaysian you! You'd better pray I don't see you or I'll chase you out of the country and you'd have to seek refuge in the Malaysian High Commission, which USED to be in ***Hill Street. Ha ha ha. You'll be screwed!

hur hur. okay. i shall go now. i'm going to get ready for the national day songs. the REAL ones, like We are Singapore and Stand up for Singapore and not lame ones like This is My Home or whatever's this year's song is. Who the hell is Keira Gong anyway? I still do not know who she is.

hur hur.

and i am going to giggle to myself as i watch the ministers with their bong bong sticks. they are so sporting! hur hur hur. and some of them even sang along to the national day theme song. hur hur hur.

ahhh. i am so amused.

* i had to ask celine the other day if the jets were called F-16 or M-16. hur hur hur. YES. I am WELL AWARE that one of them is rifle. or some kind of weaponry. hur hur.

** okay, I'm not sure what the exact question is but you know, it's SIMILAR to that. so who cares. hur hur hur.

*** Mr Coldplay told me of his plans to celebrate HIS national day at the Malaysian High Comm here. Unfortunately, he doesn't know where it is, except that it USED to be at Hill Street. hur hur. so if say singaporeans were to turn hostile, he'd be screwed since he doesn't know where it is. hur hur.

2006-08-09T12:36:00.000+08:00

even bigger things are happening in the world of winda

yesterday, i was vetting a flyer given to me by a colleague, who decided to pressure me into vetting it quicker so he stood next to me, when all out of a sudden, he said, "Eh. Sorry. My underwear is a little tight!"

He then spread his legs and pulled at his undies through his pants.

I have since lost my sight.

hur hur.

-------

last night, I was drifting off to sleep when someone ran across the house or started jumping about. Whatever that person was doing, it was loud and it annoyed me. When I woke up today, my parents asked, "Were you exercising in your room last night?!"

ha ha ha.

Apparently everyone heard the noise but none of us were making the noise.

Exciting?

Spooky, I say!

-------

My mom woke me up today and told me to hang the laundry to dry.

So I did.

It was my little brother's laundry.

As I was taking out his clothes from the spinner, I saw something in there that made me scream.

You'll never EVER EVER guess what it was that I saw.

It was a bat.

No, not a baseball bat.

A very REAL bat, the kind that flies.

it stared up at me and i screamed bloody murder.

it was dead, of course but you know, still, you'll never think that you'll ever find a bat in a washing machine.

apparently my cat brought home a bat and hid it in my brother's laundry.

my elder brother and i were wondering why the hell the laundry smelled fishy.

so now you know.

a bat, when washed, smells fishy.

there's a piece of useful information for you right there.

apart from a bat, i also found a CD in the washing machine.

it's just like a treasure trove!!

hur hur.

2006-08-08T23:02:00.000+08:00

i think i laughed too much

mr coldplay was back from his break and i was so glad to hear his voice that i said, "AHHH! You're back! I missed you!"

to which he said, "Ummm uhhh..ummmm...but it's only been a day!"

And i said, "Yes well! On that one day, my phone rang less often than usual! hur hur hur."

he then spoke of his trip and opened me to the world of mats, for instance the new type of mat that has evolved in malaysia.

Read this.

While you read that, please note what the dude named his car.

hur hur hur hur hur.

oh man. i'm so amused.

i laughed all day long. in fact i laughed so hard that my head started to hurt.

hur hur hur.

then my boss decided to ruin the mood by talking about lengthening my stay in the organisation.

she called me to her desk and said, "I need to ask you something."

to which i said, "The answer is No!"

hur hur.

she looked as though she wanted to break my neck but went on to ask if i could stay till september.

i said, "Nope!"

and she said, "Don't do it for the company, do it for me. (yeah, like there's the selling point right there.) Because we'll be very busy during the transition period (we're in the midst of switching ad agencies)."

to which i said, "I know! Hahahahaha!"

she said, "So you know. Is that why you're leaving? To escape the busy period?"

"Yup! hahahahaha."

hur hur hur.

anyway, she kept asking me to think about it.

i'll think about it if they offer me a higher pay.

hur hur hur.

if i stay, the only reason would be to help my manager out (not my boss) because she's so busy even with help, so i imagine she'd suffer a nervous breakdown if she were to handle everything else.

in any case, my boss was being extremely patronizing earlier today. she said she was going to put me in charge of a VERY IMPORTANT TASK.

if that task DOES NOT involve me holding Dr Vivian Balakrishnan's hand when he comes for a visit at the end of the month, i'm not interested!

hur hur.

anyway, she said she's going to assign me to be the GATEKEEPER (she typed this in capital letters) of the ads that are coming in and to update the media schedule accordingly so everyone will be kept to date on which ads will be out.

PLEASE.

I've been doing that for THREE WHOLE MONTHS.

unsupervised some more.

hur hur.

this shows how much she knows about what i've been doing.

and PLEASE. it's not the most important job in the world. an idiot with half a brain can do it. which is why im the perfect candidate.

hur hur hur hur hur.

she's so full of shit. and she took half an hour to update the media schedule when it takes only 5 minutes.

and she still says i need a lot of guidance?

bantai kasi mati baru tau.

hahahhaa.

anyway, she and this other senior manager were having a deep discussion about what phone number they should put in the ad.

should she put the office number? but if they do, what if the students call while she's not around? should she put her mobile number?

after listening to them for 5 minutes, i got bored because they were wasting my time and said, "Why can't you just put your office number and divert the calls to your mobile?"

OH MY GOD.

please.

as slow and stupid as i am, as much as i need lots of guidance, i was still able to figure that out.

TSK.

anyway, i've brought home the magazine to vet. i hate her. she's still giving me that stupid thing to vet even though it's her job.

and i know why she's asking me to vet it.

so that if the president (of the organisation, not Mr SR Nathan) spots a mistake in there, she can blame me.

i'm wise to her ways!

oh well.

i'm going to lie down now. hur hur.

bitching makes me tired!

2006-08-07T22:12:00.000+08:00

Level 2 Cutie - Continued

So.

Big news.

Level 2 Cutie is not married.

woo hoo!

i found out from his boss!

i didn't ask, of course.

i asked about his new team (so as to get more information on L2c. i'm a genius when it comes to this! hur hur.) and it's working out. and from there, i found out L2C's name, which sounded like the word 'pregnant' in Malay. In fact, L2C's boss kept pronouncing it as 'pregnant' in Malay.

Me: Eh. Not like that lah. That means pregnant in Malay!

Him: Oh. Hmmmm. Let me think...is he married?

Me: What does it matter! Whether or not he's married, he'll still be unable to get pregnant, you know! In case you didn't notice, he's a GUY.

Him: But male seahorses can lay eggs!

Me: He's still not a seahorse!

People are SO strange.

2006-08-07T21:09:00.000+08:00

big things are happening in the world of winda

first and foremost, the biggest milestone in my life took place yesterday.

i opened the hood of my car.

ALL. BY. MYSELF.

i figured it out myself!

hur hur hur hur.

i've finally found the lever that opens it. mind you, i've been driving that car for three years. hur hur hur.

should i be ashamed that i took that long to figure it out?

hell no. i'm proud! i figured it out! without help! now i can die knowing that i know how to pop the hood of a car.

hur hur hur hur hur hur.

plus my boss always says that i'm a little slow. hur hur hur. she doesn't say it quite so explicitly but i know what she means.

and i'm not really offended. because i pretend to be slow so i don't have to do so much.

hur hur.

but i AM slow sometimes. hur hur.

ANYWAY.

yes. i opened the hood and was attempting to check the level of the battery fluid. my brother taught me once but obviously i had forgotten. i accidentally opened one of the many many caps there and it wouldn't go back on! and then the other part of the cap fell off too!

completely fell apart.

i panicked and thought, maybe i can drive around without this cap.

but better sense prevailed, plus the fear that the car might explode while i'm driving it.

hur hur.

i got grease on my hands and on my pristine white shirt.

great. of all days to wear a white shirt.

i'm telling you, i'm the poster girl for murphy's law.

anyway, after sweating for 15 minutes, i finally figured it out. and proceeded to check the engine oil and wiper fluid.

that was all i did. i checked and did nothing about it. i didn't top up the battery fluid even though it was running low, because i couldn't be bothered to ask my brother where to get it. hur hur hur.

the mechanic's going to tell me off again when i send the car for servicing. oh well.

anyway, after all that drama, the same night, my computer died on me. Internet Explorer and most Microsoft applications refused to work. i called Compaq today, who was of GREAT help. they said that they're open weekdays from 8.30 to 5.30. They're closed during the weekends.

I knock off at 5.45pm, you know. so i asked him how the hell i was supposed to get the problem troubleshooted (troubleshot?!). he said that he was in india so he'll be working on Wednesday, which is a public holiday here, and that he'll call me.

isn't that just nice of him?

plus he even asked what time i'd like him to call because it being a public holiday, i'd want to sleep in!

hur hur hur.

how did he know?!

but my computer has healed itself. so strange.

in any case, today i twisted my right ankle. with a semi-usable left foot and a hurting right foot, i've decided that i should roll instead of walk.

apparently i've forgotten how to walk like a human being should.

TSK.

and a few hours after that, my boss called me to her desk and told me to start looking for a new job.

hur hur.

well, she didn't put it quite that way, but that was the gist of it. apparently the upper management's reluctant to offer my asking price.

i'll tell you now that i'm not a greedy girl. my asking price is at least $300 below the market rate. but no, they want to offer $700 below the market rate.

gila ke?

and even though they haven't confirmed the decision, i think they're more or less 90% decided. that was what i understood from the conversation i had with my boss anyway.

after thinking about it, i wrote the following email to my boss:

To: Mrs Lucifer (ha ha ha. it didn't really say this.)
From: Winda
Date: 7 Aug 2006
Subject: My imminent departure. ahem. sniff.

do you have any idea when the management will decide? i do not really want to stay any longer than i have to, so i can get things moving on my end (i.e. begin my search for a man rich enough to support my desired tai tai lifestyle) . rest assured though, i'll finish the tasks i'm supposed to and not leave the department hanging.

so it would be most appreciated if you could persuade management to decide soon. the opportunity cost of me staying with the knowledge that i will not be converted to a permanent staff is rather high, you know. the man of my dreams could find a woman and get married before i have the chance to get to him! hehehe.

-winda

let it be known that i can find humour in a depressing situation as such knowing that i'll be jobless and therefore money-less soon. hur hur hur.

anyway, following the email, this conversation ensued.

Boss: Winda I'll talk to you tomorrow about that thing.
Me: (pretending to be dumb. it comes easily and naturally. ha ha.) What, the posters?
Boss: The thing with your job.
Me: Oh okay. What's there to talk about? Isn't it 90% decided already?
Boss: Who told you that?
Me: Well I kinda got that from out conversation.
Boss: But would you be willing to stay till you find a job or we find a replacement?
Me: No?

hur hur hur.

Boss: Oh why not?
Me: Because working here takes up most of my time and I will lack the sense of urgency to find another job.
Boss: Is that it? Is there anything else?
Me: Well yes. You kinda annoy me.

okay, i didn't say that.

Me: Nope. Not really?
Boss: So you're not willing to stay?
Me: Nope.

a look of concern and slight nausea forms on her face.

Me: Boy aren't you in a pickle right now, huh!

Then I laughed on my way out of the office.

Maybe I'M Mrs Lucifer.

hahahaha.

but i must say, that cheered me up a little. i was a little sad at the prospect of leaving, mostly because i love my job, despite the assholes who resurface now and then. and more importantly, i love my colleagues. they amuse me!

in any case, when i leave, i'm taking my manager with me, leaving my senior manager all by her lonesome.

hur hur hur.

isn't life great?

2006-08-06T00:37:00.000+08:00

work gets us tired but bitching about it alleviates the tiredness

i met up with lina earlier this evening and by 10pm both of us were yawning away.

our bodies were not made to last 2 decades and still be able to go past 10pm.

hur hur.

anyway, my ankle has been bothering me lately. i don't know what is up with it. a few weeks back, it started aching at night. of course i suspected rheumatism. hur hur hur hur.

but then a few days ago i had a cut on the sole of my foot so i was walking weird for several days. i must have awoken the beast that was in my foot because it started hurting like a bitch and after several minutes of walking, i start limping.

not very attractive, i must say.

i've decided that when i've raised enough capital, i'm going to set up a body parts store. need a new foot? sure! a new arm? no problem!

all i need now is to figure out where i can procure body parts without breaking any laws. hur hur hur.

2006-08-04T22:28:00.000+08:00

do you think he'd like a second wife?

quite cute, right?

i've cropped off my dad's colleague's face. hur hur hur.

look how he fills his suit out.

grey.

mmmmm. i like grey suits.

ahhh. sigh.

and his cheeks. not quite sure why they're ruddy but i like the look!

ANYWAY.

enough with the fantasy-that-will-never-come-true, i was the appointed photographer for my company this evening. everyone wore red or white (in celebration of our nation's birthday) so they wanted to capture the moment on film.

it took ages to get everyone ready at the amphitheatre and when it was all done, i ensured the camera was pointed at the correct angle and i lifted my finger to indicate '1', '2' and '3'!

except that at '2', i clicked on the button and realized that i had forgotten to turn the camera on.

hur hur hur hur hur hur.

everyone started heckling!

i hate them.

hur hur hur hur.

then during the second session, the same thing happened again.

hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur.

oops.

and my colleague said to me, after the session, "You did that on purpose didn't you?"

to which i said, "I am THAT stupid, you know."

hur hur hur.

sigh.

oh well. i should be glad that they didn't start throwing things at me.

hur hur.

2006-08-04T00:20:00.000+08:00

and i said i needed more excitement in my life

Shamsul Maidin smiled at me!

AAAAAAHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

I am gleeful!

He is H-H-H-H-O-T.

Even more so in person.

Okay. Let me give you the backstory.

I was at the Berita Harian Achiever of the Year award ceremony earlier this evening, where they honoured Mardan Mamat, the first Singaporean to ever win a European golf tournament or something to that effect. The most important thing was, he made history.

Now let me take a moment to talk about him. We saw his tribute video, which was really really good. I found myself tearing up several times. I laughed at some bits too, like when he started singing Count on Me Singapore, saying that it was an inspirational song for him. As I said, it was a really good video. hur hur hur.

He really deserved the award and he received a standing ovation. And he cried. A few times.

hur hur.

ANYWAY.

Then Sharifah Aini appeared and sang. And seemed a little pissed that no one was paying attention to her.

hur hur.

She has huge boobs.

But that's besides the point.

SO. Towards the end, Shamsul Maidin walked to our table because one of my dad's colleagues wanted to take a photo with him. I ended up being the photographer, using Hawa's camera.

SWOON.

HOT HOT HOT.

He left, and 15 minutes later, we went out to wait for the lift. As we were hanging out by the potted plant, he walked and saw me.

I was, of course, grinning like an idiot.

He smiled and then he lifted his hand as a way of saying Hi, maybe?

Anyway, more importantly, he remembered me (even if it had only been fifteen MINUTES. I DON'T CARE) and he SMILED at me.

ME!

MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

HOOOORAAAAYYY!!!

when i saw my dad, one of the first things i asked was, "IS SHAMSUL MAIDIN MARRIED?!"

My dad said No (and I wanted to jump for joy) but my mom, as usual, was trying to burst my bubble of joy and said that he was married.

but really, WHO CARES.

I can be his second wife!!!

hur hru hur.

Okay, I shall go to bed now and dream about him.

Now, you may forget EVERYTHING I've written here, as long as you remember that Shamsul Maidin smiled at ME.

ME, OKAY?

MEEEEE!!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA!

2006-08-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

careless whisper

Wham's Careless Whisper always reminds me of someone I do not want to remember.

He forbade me from singing it in his presence because well, I'm not sure why. I think he hated the song or it reminded him of someone he did not want to remember.

I know, irony is a huge part of my life.

hur hur.

But listening to the song always makes me sad because thinking about him makes me sad.

Grey's Anatomy also reminds me of him, which is why I'm always sad when i watch Grey's Anatomy.

I'm not sure why I think about him so much, considering it only makes me sad.

I really should stop. And reserve some brain cells for work purposes, rather than someone who makes me sad.

This whole post is a little sad. not as in depressing, but more pathetic than anything else. hur hur hur. I shall go to bed!

2006-08-01T21:41:00.000+08:00

Level 2 Cutie (cont'd)

Dear Diary,

Today I didn't just get to see L2C's nose, I got to see his whole body (clothed, unfortunately)! In fact, things got even more exciting.

We shared a moment by the fresh fruits display.

I saw him from the corner of my eye buying a drink and I saw him coming towards the fresh fruits, so I stood there, perusing the watermelons, as though my life depended on it.

So there I was, standing there, comparing two slices of watermelon, looking as if i was thinking, "Hmmm. Which one is the fresher one? Which is thicker? Which one will give me more value for my money?", instead of REALLY thinking, "Thank God. Thank God I decided to wear my *Ass Pants today. Now Winda, look thoughtful! Show him that you have the ability to think!"

A few seconds into it, a (very sexy) arm reached for the fresh fruits display and my hand flew to my chest and I gasped.

ha ha.

i should have won an Oscar for that. Or at least the Asian Television Award they give out in this region. hur hur. because i shan't be too cocky. it really wasn't Oscar calibre. hur hur. he probably saw right through me.

whether he did or not, he laughed and said Sorry.

sigh.

so cute!

but i'm a little disturbed that he drinks yogurt. yogurt makes me hurl. as most dairy products do.

well, okay, not dairy. just milk and yogurt.

ANYWAY.

i need to think of a plan of action for L2C.

Let me know, diary, if you've got any idea what I should do.

Oh what am I saying. You're inanimate.

I think I need therapy.

Love,
Winda

*Ass Pants = Pants I bought last year that make my ass look relatively small. However, constant washing has made them lose their elasticity and they bunch up at my crotch area. Nevertheless, my ass still looks relatively small in them. I think. Well, I hope. I think I need another look.

2006-07-31T20:51:00.000+08:00

Level 2 Cutie

Dear Diary

If last week had me excited over the top of Level 2 Cutie's head, today it gets more exciting!

I saw his eyes wildly scanning the room over the walls of his cubicle.

I raised my eyebrows at him...

...and NOTHING!

Then again, his eyes were really moving about quickly (around in the socket, they weren't rolling about on the ground or anything like that) so I guess he could have missed the eyebrow-raising moment.

In any case, looks like tomorrow I'll see his nose next. You know, top of head, eyes and then nose, followed by mouth.

Or I could just start talking to him.

Just as soon as I figure out what to say. But chances are, dear diary, that I'd say something so stupid that he'd never talk to me again.

Oh Diary, what do I do? What do I do?!

Love,
Winda

2006-07-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

Bathroom Idol

earlier today, i took of my clothes and walked into the bathroom to take a shower.

before that i had found a George Michael CD in my brother's room and stole it. in preparation of my shower, i loaded it into the computer and hooked up the speakers.

Jesus to a Child played.

i paused.

hmm. nope. not the right one.

i clicked on the next track.

ahh. Kissing a Fool.

i sang all the way to the bathroom and started looking at my disheveled hair.

and then pretended that i was in a george michael video clip.

well, actually, i pretended that someone was shooting the karaoke clip of the song and i'm one of those weird ass karaoke models who walk around in scenic places, touching a pole here, sitting by a fountain there, looking depressed here, looking in love there. you know, the B-grade kind of videos.

except i was in the bathroom.

one thing led to another and the next thing i knew, i had my bottle of facial cleanser in my right hand, pretending it was a microphone.

by that time, the live version of Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me was playing and I was George Michael, with the crowd roaring me on. And then I introduced Sir Elton John! as my duet partner.

however, i kept forgetting my lyrics so i clicked on the next track.

ahhhh. I Can't Make You Love Me.

this time I was Bonnie Raitt, in a duet with George Michael.

Belting out the song with all I had.

And was RUDELY interrupted by my brother who called to complain that I was being too loud.

sigh.

that would never happen to a real star.

i turned the volume down and showered.

so there.

that was how i spent my weekend.

how did you spend yours?

2006-07-30T12:40:00.000+08:00

Winda the Minah Melayu Edisi Ke-Lima

baiklah, pada hari ini, saya akan menaip dalam bahasa ibunda saya kerana saya amat bosan sekali dan perlukan tawaan (laughter?).

saya baru mengelap kipas saya yang amat berhabuk sekali dan kepada terperanjatan saya (to my surprise), kipas ni berligat dengan laju sekali! rupa-rupanya habuk itu telah memerlahankan ligatannya. ish ish. tengoklah betapa malasnya saya ini.

jalan mana-mana (anyway), emak saya telepon saya pada pukul enam PAGI tadi kerana dia baru membaca pesanan ringkas saya yang menyatakan bahawa saya telah jatuh di dalam tandas lalu terhantuk kepala saya di pintu tandas itu.

wahai emak, pagi-pagi buta mak telepon saya ya. kalaulah benjol kepala saya ni, pada jam sepuluh pagi pun kepala saya tetap benjol kan? kenapalah mak telepon saya pagi-pagi sekali? mujur saya pun kena solat subuh eh. kalau tak, menangis saya. iya lah, apa taknya. hari minggu saja saya dapat bangun lewat. kan pada hari biasa saya kena bangun pagi, pergi kerja?

hur hur.

tapi, eloklah kerana mak saya telepon juga. sayanggg dia kepada saya eh?

mak saya sekarang di malaysia; dia balik kampung lah. saya harap dia bawak balik pisang rajah dan keledek jingga (dia selalu tipu saya dan bawa pulang keledek warna putih. lain rupa, lain rasa tau!) dan makanan enak2 yang telah makcik2 saya di kampung masakkan. lain tau kalau orang kampung masak. macam lebih enak lagi. seperti gulai ikan sembilang. kalau di singapura, mati hidup balik saya takkan makan. tapi kalau dikampung, saya sebat semuanya. hur hur hur. sedap sekali!

selalunya makcik2 saya akan masak kuah lodeh (warna kuning kehijau-hijauan, dan bukan warna oren seperti di singapura), rendang, nasi impit dan sambal kuah kacang. aduh. sedapnya. kecuh (kecur?) air liur saya.

saya belum makan lagi ni. mana entah abang saya ni. dia dah kebas kereta, abih tu tak nak belikan orang makanan. buruk betul perangai.

dalam kes mana-mana (in any case), sebentar lagi saya harus membuat kerja ofis yang telah saya bawa pulang. dah pandai sangat kan saya ni. ada satu artikel yang harus saya potong dan saya tidak boleh berbuat begitu di pejabat kerana terlalu ramai orang yang suka menyibuk di meja saya. justeru itu, saya dapati bahawa saya tidak boleh berkonsentrasi di sana. pada mulanya, saya bawa pulang artikel itu eksen-eksen saja. akan tetapi, pengurus saya semalam menghantar pesanan ringkas kepada saya dan bertanya, "Mana artikel itu? Awak ambil ya? Saya perlukannya!"

Saya pun offer untuk berjumpa dengannya supaya saya boleh memberikan artikel itu kepadanya. Tapi dia tak nak pulak. Susah betul lah perempuan ni. Jadi, sekarang saya terpaksa juga buat kerja saya kerana pengurus saya sudah tahu bahawa saya telah membawa pulang artikel itu. Dan jika dia tanya pada hari esok dan ianya belum dibuat lagi, mungkin dipenggalnya kepala saya.

hur hur.

dengan itu, haruslah saya cepat2 buat kerja saya ya. Banyak songeh lah saya ni.

selamat tinggal!

2006-07-30T00:24:00.000+08:00

Guess where I was today?

I was here.

And everyone was in red.

All because of this.

And wonderful displays like this.

There was even this - a Lee Hsien Loong lookalike! hur hur.

And the real deal - Mr Abdullah Tarmugi.

And as a mark of respect, they did this.

While the performers did this.

But this was the real reason why everyone was there.

And this.

And this.

And this.

Also this.

This.

This.

And also this.

At the end of the programme, they released these.

And the Bong Bong thingies lied sadly like this.

Some kids did this.

While one did this.

After leaving the National Stadium, we did this. And walked we did. From the stadium to Bugis.

Great evening.

But not so great day.

I discovered to my horror earlier today that I had left my make-up bag at the office. Good thing my mom has some stashed in her room. Great luck, I say, because she is out of town and usually brings everything with her.

Making things worse, I fell in the bathroom. ha ha. And hit my head against the bathroom door. Good thing I've got a thick head, it didn't hurt at all. I did, however, scrape my left arm slightly and the entire right side of my body aches, especially my right arm.

It's very lucky indeed that my bathroom is so tiny that when I fell, the length of my body covered the width of the bathroom. So I didn't slide away, just hit my head on the door which was in the way, and stubbed my toe against the wall.

I worry about how I'll feel tomorrow.

I called my manager to tell her about it and am now convinced that the senior manager has cursed us.

hur hur.

2006-07-29T01:35:00.000+08:00

friday's always a good day

yesterday was a good day.

workload was manageable, sort of.

lunchtime conversation had me laughing till tears streamed down my cheeks.

and the day ended with dinner with nur.

which is always nice.

i think nur and i will never run out of things to talk about. and she's the kind of person you can have an intelligent conversation with, which (surprising to some maybe) I enjoy. yes, i like to have intelligent conversations now and then (oh close your mouth and wipe that shocked look from your face). but only on topics i am familiar with - how to solve the world's problems by eliminating stupid people.

hur hur.

we shared work problems, often caused by stupid people, of course. hur hur. and we gossipped about others, always a must in any girl-girl get-togethers.

it's been a while since i had a good conversation and sometimes i miss that. now my conversations are phone calls that last for 30 seconds to 2 mins , involving me saying,

"Yes yes. It's been approved." or "Jaaaaaaaaane. Why did you change this without me asking you tooooo?" (to the printers)

"Yes. yes. Okay. Yah. Can. Yes." (to my boss, although sometimes I don't know what I'm saying yes to)

"Hello, Winda speaking. Helloooooo? HEEEEELLLLOOOO? what the hell?!" (to prank callers)

how exciting.

anyway, photos of my cubicle, or rather desk. i hate calling it a cubicle. sounds like i work in the loo. tsk.

My relatively tidy desk. Don't be fooled. It usually looks ten times worse than this. Usually you can't even see the top of my desk. My calculator is currently buried under a pile of papers and I've to resort to going over to my colleague's desk to borrow her calculator. Another colleague tells me that it's a vertical filing system, where I file papers on top of papers. She's a genius, I think.

The desk next to mine. Obviously one desk isn't enough for me. I've invaded the spare desk and piled more crap on top of it. The mess on the extreme left was left by my predecessor. I just added more crap to it. The pile closest to the chair is the murderous prospectus I've been working on for the past 2 months. that pile alone is for ONE prospectus, compared to the relatively smaller pile on its right, which is made up of more than 15 brochures. gah.

And this was the pleasant sight that greeted me after I got back from my Convocation Day leave. one full screen of RED, UNREAD emails. I took half a day just clearing the emails. tsk.

okay. i must sleep now. hur hur.

2006-07-27T20:50:00.000+08:00

what is happening here?!

i am very disturbed.

i like Paris Hilton's song.

Stars Are Blind.

Should I just cut off my ears now? Clearly I have lost all ability to distinguish between music and random noise.

hur hur.

In my defense, however, I didn't know it was her song. Until today. Damn it. She didn't sound like her.

hur hur.

ANYWAY.

My colleague found my English-Malay dictionary and was so delighted that she started looking words up.

Of all things that she could have said, she said, "Today got Singapore BERHALA!"

hur hur hur hur hur hur hur.

For the benefit of those who do not speak Malay, that, when directly translated, is Singapore Idol, of course. hur hur. However, the idol here refers to the kind you worship. hur hur.

anyway, it was funnier when I heard it. hmph.

hur hur.

Today was a boring day at work. My manager wasn't around so it was just me and my senior manager. My manager fell down the stairs! So tragic! I thought that shit like that only happens to me. hur hur.

But she was pretty amused by it and said, "Luckily I'm fat, so my fats cushioned the fall."

To which I said, "See?! Aren't you glad I feed you chocolates everyday?!"

I should be more sympathetic, shouldn't I? But I think she was quite happy with the two days of medical leave the doctor gave her.

hur hur.

okay. time to wash my hair. hur hur. i'm not sure why i'm telling you this anyway.

2006-07-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

My Boss

Today my boss wore a new dress and the office was rife with hushed conversations.

"Do you see something INTERESTING??" (followed by significant tilting of head in the direction of my boss' seat)

Colleague: Don't you think she's in a good mood today?

Me: Oh my god! I was thinking just that! I wonder why!

Colleague: I think it's because she's wearing a new dress! Or maybe a feel-good thong underneath.

Me: *dead, following the self-inflicted stabbing of my ears after hearing that comment*

Anyway, I commented to my boss that she looked nice today.

Boss: You might not believe this but I'm actually ladylike!

Me: (turning green from trying to hold back laughter) Oh really? I see. Well, your dress is pretty!

Boss: Yeah but look *flips skirt up to reveal grey shorts with buttons on the side, UNBUTTONED* I have to wear these.

Me: (after recovering from the momentary shock I suffered.) (You know, there's friendly sharing and there's WAY too much information)What the hell are those?!

Boss: Shorts. I have to wear them because I have very small hips and without the shorts, the dress wouldn't look as good.

Me: Oh. Would you like some of my hips? I could use without much of them. hur hur.

ANYWAY.

That cute guy in my office?

I only saw the top of his head today.

I have this very strange and VERY annoying habit of averting my eyes from someone I have a crush on. I just can't look them in the face.

Maybe I'm just shy.

HUR HUR HUR HUR.

Joke of the day?

hur hur.

anyway, yes, that's a problem I have. Which is annoying because it defeats the purpose of me climbing up the stairs (slowly, so that I wouldn't be uncool and out of breath by the time I reach the top of the stairs) and making my presence felt on the second floor. hur hur.

plus, he never looks up when someone walks through the door either. WHY? He must be a hard worker. Or at least, really good at pretending to be one.

In any case, I'm tired and shall go to bed now. Please note that I have closed my Hotmail account, thanks to the psycho with nothing better to do with his time.

And also, thanks to Charles, for his kind note. Sorry I took so long to reply. I had to regain ownership of my Hotmail account from the psycho.

hur hur.

2006-07-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

Winda, Class of 2006

I've graduated! Woo hoo!

That was one LONG and BORING convocation.

BUT I didn't fall on stage! Hooray!

I worried for weeks about the shoes that I ought to wear for the ceremony because the last time I got on stage to receive something, I ended up walking like a caveman because the surface of the stage was slippery.

And THAT (me walking like a caveman) made it to the evening news on TV. My fifteen minutes of fame and I was walking hideously. Needless to say I didn't tell anyone to watch the news.

hur hur hur hur.

In any case, the stage today was carpeted. Phew. But my feet were all sweaty from wearing the shoes for hours (am i grossing you out yet?) so my shoe kept slipping off my feet. I was quite worried that I'd walk and the shoes would fly off my foot and hit the provost or something.

you might say, C'mon Winda. Get real.

It IS me, Winda. shit like this happen to me all the time. but thank God it didn't today. hur hur hur. However, I sort of underestimated the distance I had to walk and instead of taking a leisurely walk (SHOE! FLYING! Remember?) as I had planned, I had to walk quite quickly so I wouldn't hold back the rest of the graduands. Two things ran through my head repeatedly as I walked:

1) Don't trip. Don't trip. Don't trip.

2) Stop to shake his hand. Stop to shake his hand. Stop to shake his hand.

I was quite worried that I'd walk to the end of the stage without taking the folder from the dude on stage. hur hur hur. As I said, I AM Winda. Things like this happen to me.

In any case, many many many photos were taken (i look constipated and scared in ALL of them for some reason) AND I got to take a photo with my Year 3 Global Marketing Strategy classmate! The cute one! The one I had a crush on for 12 weeks! AND I found out that he's got tight biceps. hur hur. I poked his arm to say hello and I gasped.

My, my.

I can't believe I only found out about this on the VERY LAST DAY of school. If I had found out earlier I could have looked for more opportunities to touch his biceps during the semester. hmph.

hur hur hur.

anyway, after stuffing our faces, hawa and i went to great world city to watch pirates of the caribbean because my boss gave me two free gold class tickets. the chair was SO comfortable that i fell asleep TWICE during the movie. hur hur hur.

in any case, i have to say thaaaannkkkk youuuuuu to hawa for attending my convocation. AND for buying me the flowers. so pretty! and since i don't own any vases, a tumbler will have to do for now.

and also for having the fabulous dinner with me. i think i'm going to die of fullness.

but no thanks to my brothers who chose to sleep instead of seeing their sister on stage. hmph. okay, i didn't mind that they didn't go because it was really early but i shall pretend to be hurt anyway. hur hur hur hur.

and now i'm going to go cry about the fact that i have to go to work tomorrow.

oh wait. a cute guy joined our company recently. yippee! but he sits upstairs. i shall now think of excuses for me to go upstairs. hur hur.

2006-07-23T17:50:00.000+08:00

as i'd always say, Are you FRICKIN' kidding me?

my hotmail account got hacked into. AGAIN.

this is getting to be VERY annoying. why i didn't remove that account completely, i don't know. i'm kicking myself in the ass at this very moment.

if i ever find the bastard who did it, i'll burn him alive. okay, i probably won't. but i'd think about it.

hmph.

oh well. it's a good thing that most of those on my contact list have blocked and deleted that account.

on a different subject, i've got a problem.

i've to hem up my graduation gown because it's too long. how unglam.

but.

i am very excited that i'll be graduating on tuesday!

yipppeeeee!

i'll be officially freeeeee from school! unless, of course, they decide to deny me the opportunity of graduating at the last possible minute because i lost my school matriculation card and didn't report it. but then again who cares?! i've already got my transcript and degree anyway. hur hur hur.

but the downside to tuesday would be the fact that i'd have to wake up earlier on that day than i would have to on a regular work day. tsk.

however, i'll get to see my friends again. hur hur.

and i don't have to go to work. that's the MOST important thing. hur hur. i was quite worried that my boss wouldn't let me go to my convocation and i was prepared to throw a tantrum and quit my job but thank God it didnt come to that. hur hur. i hope i see my lecturers again. i kinda miss them. especially my Global Marketing Strategy lecturer. when i left school, he was still on page 20 of his mobile phone manual and had no idea how to operate the phone. a few months after, i emailed him and he was still stuck at page 20, with no inkling as to how the phone worked.

it's been almost 3 months now, so we'll see.

i need to go look for my thread and needle now. hur hur.

2006-07-22T23:43:00.000+08:00

i am SEXY and you know it!

first and foremost, HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY Nur!

6 years older than me now, huh!

hur hur hur hur.

coincidentally, i bumped into the birthday girl today at Taka as I was spying on a woman trying on a pair of Jimmy Choo boots. hur hur hur.

anyway, that aside, yesterday a note found its way to the top of my computer at work.

It read:

Hi Sexy,

Thanx for always offering me food while i'm there. You have such a great music collection. Will definitely miss you when i'm in skool.

Things to note:

1) I AM SEXY, damn it! hur hur hur. I must say, however, it tickled me to no end that a 19-year-old girl was using words like sexy. I don't know. Aren't they too young to use words like that? hur hur hur.

2) Strange. I offer her food every single day but she rejects my offer everytime so I'm not sure why she's saying thanks, really.

3) See? Air Supply counts as a 'great music collection'. HA! But while she was there, I did play some Missy Elliott and Christina Milian because she always looked sleepy so I decided to play some songs that she actually recognized, and not so much of Air Supply. hur hur hur.

4) Someone who spells 'school' as 'skool' is definitely not old enough to use the word 'sexy', I think.

hur hur.

okay. i'm tired. i should go to bed. hur hur. it's not even midnight. tsk tsk.

2006-07-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

do you get bored of me talking about work?

i'm bored of writing about work. but there's nothing more to my life these days except work.

i could write about how i watched the last 5 minutes of The Ghost Whisperer tonight and started crying, thanks to PMS, but that would yield, what, one sentence?

or i could write about how i wanted to buy something 'intellectual' from Kinokuniya and flipped through Karen Armstrong's book but eventually bought Neil Humphrey's book, but that wouldn't result in much either.

or i could write about the really really really delicious mee soto i had for lunch (not at the cafeteria), which was so good that i'm still thinking about it, 11 hours on.

but honestly, totally NOT riveting.

anyway, someone asked me what i was again today.

I AM A GIRL.

are they doubtful? is it not obvious?

but she was actually asking where i was from.

to which i said, "NOT MALAYSIA, OKAY!"

i don't know why i was so defensive either.

hur hur.

but she thought i was from indonesia.

hmph. i would walk around with my PINK Singapore identity card if my dad wasn't keeping it for me.

hur hur.

i'm a 23 year old who can't be trusted to carry her own i/c. hur hur hur.

such shame.

2006-07-20T21:09:00.000+08:00

maria, maria

i was at my boss' desk earlier this evening, helping her write a speech when the ah beng despatch guy walked angrily towards us and said to my boss, "EH. YOUR SANTANA HOW?!"

the first thing i thought to myself was, OH MY GOD. He knows who Santana is!!!

then my boss said, "You mean Istana?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA.

I had to turn my back towards the guy so I could laugh my ass off.

HAHAHAHA. SANTANA.

hahahaha.

ahh dear.

anyway, he was talking about the package we wanted to deliver to the Istana.

hur hur hur hur.

Santana.

Man, it's still funny 2 hours after.

hur hur hur.

anyway, i often do my scanning and copying at the end of the day when i'm working late and the marketing team has some guys working the late shift, one of whom sits in front of the copier. so we usually talk about this and that while he does his work and i entertain myself with the copier. yesterday the following conversation took place.

Colleague: So when are you going to be a permanent staff?

Me: Never? hur hur.

Colleague: But why!

Me: They aren't offering me a lot, you know. I would like to have a job which pays $3000 as starting pay. hur hur. I mean, I don't mind working hard but I want to be working hard for a good amount of money.

Colleague: Oh. I want a huge pay, without having to do much. Can or not ah?

Me: Of course can. It's called 'manwhoring'.

And I walked off while he laughed.

Halfway to my desk, he called out to me and I turned.

Colleague: Must sell backside ah?!

hur hur hur hur.

I hope when he said 'backside', he meant body, and not really his ass. I wasn't suggesting that he be a gay gigolo!

hur hur. he's such a weirdo.

2006-07-19T22:06:00.000+08:00

my head explodes and my body aches

i am TIRED.

my boss bribed me today by buying me a cup of mango juice because i was insanely busy and apparently i looked 'stressed'. well of course i was. i spent half an hour with one of the directors trying to decipher his handwriting only to be told that we would be ignoring his amendments because they came in late.

what the hell eh.

and then towards the end of the day, i was talking to my colleague who said that CSI was 'boring'.

GASP.

i swear, i almost fainted at the copier.

he said that he likes CSI Miami the most out of the three.

GASP.

Because Horatio Caine was 'cool'.

YUCK.

i don't think i can talk to him ever again.

2006-07-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

what a wonderful day it has been

today started out PERFECT.

i woke up at 5.57am, which is WAY too early, just because i had forgotten to pee before i went to bed and therefore my bladder was full.

at 8, i made my way to work and noticed that my CashCard was left with $1.90. not wanting to get fined again, i switched to another one which contained $10 (the ERP fee is $2).

there was a huge jam so i was getting a headache from starting and stopping car and as i passed the ERP gantry, a long beep sounded.

i am a GENIUS.

i slotted in the CashCard but had forgotten to push it all the way in, so the fee was not deducted.

awesome.

i now owe the government $10. AGAIN!

like as if they hadn't taken enough of my money.

cursing and swearing, i reached the office 20 minutes later. i was late. i slipped in without noticing, or so i thought. 2 minutes after i landed my ass on the chair, my phone rang.

it was an internal call and it could only be ONE person.

my boss.

"Winda, could you come over?"

I walked over and the next 15 minutes was dedicated to a lecture on how I should be more confident and not be so fearful and that I was the ONLY fresh grad she'd ever met who was so scared of others.

i think many of those who know me would have laughed at that. i'm not scared of people. i'm only scared of my mom and people who have the ability to beat me up. hur hur hur.

i dont think that my unwillingness to be caught in conflicts should be misconstrued as fear. conflicts waste my time and i have enough drama in my life. but NO, okay. my boss says i'm scared therefore i MUST be.

okay, let me give you some background on this.

our company placed a full page advertorial a few days back. i was one of the people who proofread the copy. i noticed a mistake in the copy and pointed it out. my boss defended it so i didn't push it. the 2nd time the copy came, i pointed it out again. but she defended it again.

now, i'm the sort of person who doesn't like to waste time correcting people's mistakes. i will point it out once and if you say i'm wrong, i will not point it out again. unless, of course, i was feeling particularly argumentative that day. hur hur. i used to argue my case until i won but i've gotten older and being headstrong is just too annoying.

ANYWAY.

the higher ups noticed the mistake and told her off. unfortunately, i crossed her path while she was looking for someone to blame. so there you go. it was my fault even though i pointed it out to her twice. in fact, i spent quite some time telling her that it'd confuse people. but no, it was my fault because i should have pushed for my case.

like i have nothing else better to do with my time.

i told her that it's not that i was fearful but i didn't want to overstep my boundaries. i know my place in the company and i'm not going to sidestep others. but apparently i SHOULD. and I HAVE TO. Or i will forever be disadvantaged, even in my next job. I think she cursed me a little there.

hur hur.

i didn't like that she kept comparing me to the 'fresh grads' she's worked with before. i'm not them and the only time you should ever compare me to someone else is if you're going to tell me that i'm prettier than her.

hur hur.

in any case, i've learned the hard way that one should never ever overstep one's boundaries in the workplace. it's the quickest way to the death of your job or career.

and this is also why everyone likes me and hates her.

hur hur hur hur.

okay, everyone tolerates me.

anyway, after the 15-min MOTIVATING pep talk, this woman from another department came to my desk. i can't stand her because she, like Cashew Nut Stealer, has no sense of personal space.

and she keeps asking me to figure out things for her. like which paper to advertise in and what size insertion it should be.

do i look like an ad agency to you?

and the best thing was she kept asking me what sections there were in Lianhe Zaobao and which sections would be good to advertise in.

oh right. because I am SO well-versed in Mandarin that i read the Chinese papers everyday!

people like her drive me insane.

they add unnecessary crap to my workload and in between being overworked and underpaid, i think i might just lose my mind soon.

but thank God for early morning motivation talks that just gets me all set and ready to face the day head on!

hur hur.

you know the ONLY bright spot in my day at work?

Mango shake.

Mmmm mmmmm. they make going to work SO worth it.

hur hur.

anyway, do watch Detik on Suria tomorrow at 8.30pm. my colleague will be on, talking about our organisation in Malay! we took 1.5 hours to translate the bloody copy. for seven MINUTES of airtime. i had to call my dad several times because we sucked so much. I wasn't there during the filming, so I wouldn't know how much of the proposed copy she used. But you know, I was pretty proud of myself. i actually remembered relatively difficult words!

hur hur hur.

okay. CSI time.

2006-07-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

why is everyone out to kill me?

last night i had a terrible nightmare. in fact, i had two nightmares.

i dreamt that some people were out to kill me. in both instances!

i don't really remember the first dream but i think it was a guy who tried to kill me. and then i woke up at 6, in cold sweat. i went back to sleep shortly after and this time a group of female indonesian terrorists in sarongs tried to kill me at my late grandma's place in malaysia.

they shot at me and the bullet grazed my shoulder. i fell to the ground and rolled around dramatically and pretended to be dead. for some reason they didn't believe me but instead of finishing me off, they nursed me back to health.

tsk.

what a strange dream.

anyway, that prevented me from having a restful sleep, especially since i went to bed at 2. i was pretty out of it at work but i kept having to walk around the campus all day today. damn delivery guys and their double shift deliveries. i don't understand why they can't deliver the books (i typed boobs at first! ha ha. i think i've been talking to zhaki too much.) at one go.

i shall go to bed now. i have four pages of english text to translate into malay tomorrow.

sob.

2006-07-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

i have to work later. oh noooooo.

i hate sundays. sundays mean that tomorrow is a work day.

i hate waking up early on monday. actually, i hate waking up early. period.

if i ruled the world, id make it such that we'd work for only two days and rest for five. of course, we wouldn't be able to get much done but so would everyone else. so in comparison, it doesn't really matter.

hur hur.

oh i don't know what i'm talking about. i'm in pain. my cat went mad and bit the crap out of my arm. i have 8 scratches on my right forearm. how sexy. good thing i don't have a medical checkup coming up or the doctor'll think that i tried to kill myself again. the last time that happened, his nurse saw the scratches and asked if i tried to commit suicide. i laughed and said no and she refused to believe me. i know because she told the doctor about it and i think he was all set and ready to counsel me until i told him that my cat was the culprit.

hur hur.

i hope today is a good day. and i hope the new manager comes in soon so i'll have someone to talk to. hur hur.

i wonder what exciting drama today brings.

2006-07-16T18:40:00.000+08:00

goodbye bixda, my love

you left before i could show you enough of the world.

your existence on this plane was too shortlived. you were one of the most beautiful ones around, everyone cooed when they saw you; you were that pretty.

when i laid my eyes on you, i told myself, that's the one, the one i wanted.

the others paled in comparison, i had my eyes set on you.

but a few days ago, you went missing. i was devastated. i searched high and low for you, to no avail.

it pained me to know you were lying stranded in a strange place, all by your lonesome.

even so, i held on to the hope that one day we would be reunited once again. i had faith. faith that you would not leave me.

but once again, my faith failed me.

you left me, bixda. you left me all alone.

and what a way to go - drowning.

i'm so sorry i wasn't there for you. when i remove the junk on top of you, and saw you in the water, i exclaimed, "BIXDAAAAA!!! NOOOOOO!!! DON'T DIE ON MEEEE!!!!"

but alas, no amount of effort to save you would have revived you. you were filled with water, and your hands frozen in time.

bixda, you will always be remembered.

you're pretty even after your horrible death in the washing machine. so so pretty even in death.

P.S. bixda, is obviously, a pretty good knockoff of the original Guess watch. hur hur hur. it was going for $20 but i got it for $19! hur hur hur hur hur. i guess i should be ashamed for encouraging the proliferation of imitation goods but who cares. hur hur hur. it's pretty! and only 10% of what the actual thing costs. hur hur hur hur hur.

2006-07-16T00:47:00.000+08:00

too old to be a party girl

tonight sucked, okay.

i was worrying about nothing. there were people who were less dressed up. there was a woman who wore a tshirt even though the invite stated 'Formal'. a designer t-shirt is still a t-shirt.

hur hur.

oh well. i know i shouldn't pass judgment but i was bored out of my mind. there was nothing else to do.

i went in late so the only seats left were the ones facing the door instead of the stage. and then there were a few dancers on stage whose sexuality i really really reaaaaaallly questioned.

and the food sucked. they were served on a saucer. i kid you not. and the waiters kept breaking plates! tsk tsk tsk.

and i was stuck with people i didn't know, who weren't very exciting. i sat next to a girl who kept looking at me quizically everytime i said something like she hadn't heard what i had just said. it was very tiring to keep repeating everything i said.

and there was one girl who was really annoying. she kept talking loudly and well she wasn't very funny.

man, i'm so grumpy.

hur hur hur.

anyway, i enjoyed some of the performances on stage though. some kids were performing You Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog, which i heard as You Ain't Nothing But a Hand Job.

zhaki says I have issues.

I agree. I think I have hearing issues. I must say though, I was shocked that the kids were singing such obscene lyrics. hur hur hur. and more importantly, why isn't anyone reacting to it?!

hur hur.

anyway, i was all set to plan my exit at 9.30pm and called Shiying to ask if she was in the area so I could meet up with her.

HEY. I spent ONE hour doing my make-up. I'm going to make sure it didn't go to waste.

but alas, no one was in the vicinity and i ended up reaching home at half past 11 after going around taking photos with my colleagues.

the day wasn't a total wreck though. i spoke to a rather good-looking Australian man, who apparently made the news for his heroic act of saving a few people during the Jakarta bomb blast. he told me he had shards of glass embedded under his skin, which miraculously popped out eventually one night. hur hur hur hur. the glass, that is.

in total windaness, of ALL WORDS that i could have used, i said, "Wow. That's pretty awesome."

sometimes I forget that i'm NOT 14.

hur hur hur hur.

okay. now i must sleep.

2006-07-15T16:22:00.000+08:00

i haven't started getting ready

it's only 4pm and i'm sleepy.

how will i last till 1 in the morning? why would they think that we can all stay up dancing till 1am tomorrow morning?

hur hur.

i think i'll make my exit before the party ends.

hur hur. i'm such an old lady.

but my biggest problem now is how to do my make-up and how to fit my camera into my purse.

decisions decisions.

2006-07-14T23:08:00.000+08:00

can't you see that it's just rainin', there ain't no need to go outside

it poooouuuurrreeedd today.

and i got caught in the rain.

i chose not to carry an umbrella because i knew i'd forget to bring it back home after i leave it to dry.

so i got wet instead.

sometimes i wonder why i do the things i do.

today was a terrible day. i fucked up again. woo hoo! i'll be back in the job market any day now!!!

hur hur.

I'm waiting for the day my boss goes, "Winda, you don't have to come back tomorrow, okay?"

hur hur hur hur.

anyway, tomorrow's the gala dinner. i bought a pretty top, which i now think isn't fancy enough. what if i'm the least glamorous of them all?! HOW?!

but everyone i know seems to be planning on wearing a black dress.

i guess i'll be injecting some colour into the evening. but will the colours be fancy enough?!!

OH. what a tragedy it would be if they weren't!

i was thinking of adding more beads to the top but honestly, laziness gets the better of me.

hur hur.

i wish i could look pretty without putting effort into it.

hur hur.

i think i might need one whole hour to apply my make-up tomorrow.

i am SO vain.

anyway, on a separate note. i've forged a silent war against my dad for threatening to dump my cats if we didn't give the kittens up.

we'll see how long it lasts.

hur hur hur.

2006-07-13T21:24:00.000+08:00

i see stupid people

i threw up in the morning today. all because of the stupid mutton i had yesterday. gah. i was pretty sure i was going to die.

but i didn't. so i had to go to work. damn.

hur hur.

but today was a relatively good day. i left the office at 6.45pm. woo hoo! just one hour of overtime!

plus i cleared all the hideous brochures that i'd been putting off, largely because of, well, stupid people.

there's this manager from the biomedical department who likes to bully me into doing things. now, let me just make it clear that i'm only bullied when i allow myself to be bullied. sometimes it's just easier. hur hur.

for instance, when managers submit brochures to us for processing, they need to clearly indicate the changes and furnish us with soft copies of chunks of text they'd like to include.

most of them are pretty good and do as they are told but this dude is just so thick. (zhaki, i know what you're thinking, but NO. hur hur.) i warned him once, in the nicest way possible, that i need soft copies of the text to be added in.

did he listen to me?

of course not.

because he's a man and men don't listen.

hur hur.

again, he gave me several chunks of text without providing me with the soft copy. his reasoning was the printing company is providing us with a service and therefore it is their job to type his shit.

for a manager, he isn't very bright.

i told him i'll not process his brochures the next time he pulls a stunt like this. i mean, i'm not going to make the girls at the printing company to type the text for us. it's not their job. so there i was, Little Miss Typist, typing and cursing away.

My boss saw and said, "WINDA. WHY ARE YOU TYPING THAT? I TOLD YOU NOT TO TYPE IT!"

hur hur hur.

oops.

I told her that it was much easier to do this than to listen to him bitch about this and that.

To which she said, "I FORBID you to type anything he asks you to from now on. If he does, let me know! I'll give him a piece of my mind!"

hur hur.

i love my boss.

not the crazy ass one. i love my immediate boss.

hur hur.

I also cleared an ad by this guy whom I wanted to kill several times in the course of communicating with him. I bitched to Mr ColdPlay about it and he offered to talk to him about it. How sweet.

In any case, this guy was ANNOYING.

Firstly, he had NO sense of personal space. I'm VERY sensitive about my personal space. I don't like people touching me when I'm not close to them. Maybe it's the OCD thing. hur hur. But anyway, yes, he kept standing so close to me that I had to move away several times.

Secondly, he stole my cashew nuts. Which is UNFORGIVABLE. Not only that, he PUT HIS GRIMY HAND INTO THE JAR and took a HANDFUL of the nuts. My $5 jar of nuts! To make matters worse, he came back a second time and asked me where the nuts were. I said they were finished because I shared with my other colleagues and he said, "How could you finish them?"

I told him to buy his own nuts and ignored him.

HMPH.

Thirdly, he was very annoying about his ad. I told him that I needed the actual dimensions of the ad and he kept pointing to the size of an ad in the papers and went, "Something like this."

It's not a bloody guessing game, eh? I'm not going to tell the ad agency, "Oh, do up an ad similar to this size. Oooohhh. I don't know. Surprise me!"

I told him I NEEDED the dimensions and his answer to that was to go to the Pakistani embassy (he wanted to do an insertion in the Pakistan local daily).

The embassy is not like Smarties, you know. They don't have the answer.

You know, Only Smarties have the answer? Ha ha. Okay. Let me just take a moment here to revel in my astounding ability to make not-quite-hilarious jokes.

ANYWAY.

Logically, if you need the size of ads in a newspaper, you'd go to the newspaper company to get the dimensions, right? But nooooo, he goes to the embassy.

When he got back, he gave me a copy of the paper and asked me to measure an ad in the paper, saying "I want it to be something like this."

What the hell?

So I called the ad agency to complain and ask if this was the stupidest thing they'd ever heard.

hur hur hur.

In any case, he finally got the dimensions and i'm not going to ask him where he got them from. and if the ad doesn't fit, he can resize it himself for all i care.

hur hur hur.

AND I'm hiding my cashew nuts from him.

2006-07-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

i still feel a little sick

today was a bad day, okay.

there were tons of press writeups to disseminate to the staff and i spent half an hour trying to dub some news segment from a cassette tape into a CD.

now that was half an hour of my life, listening to the Tamil and Mandarin news, that I would never get back.

then one of the directors got all sarcastic with me because i placed the audio clip in a folder he couldn't access. it's not like as if i had the time to conduct a survey on all 200+ employees of the organization to ask them which folder they can or cannot access.

but i've been told that he's a wanker who's afraid of his wife, and is therefore determined to exercise his misguided masculine ego towards others when she's not around.

hey, at least i don't have a grey front tooth. ha!

anyway, i went to Rice Table for lunch. it was a farewell lunch for one of my colleagues, who's leaving us at the end of this week.

okay, the food sucks. it really really does. i don't know why people have been telling me how good it is. the food is crap.

they had about 8 dishes in all and the only dish i liked was the cucumber salad (achar). AND i accidentally ate mutton. i felt sick the whole day, looking and feeing like i was about to retch. gah.

i still feel a little sick.

yuck.

the highlight of the day was me guiding my colleague (who was driving) into the loading bay.

hur hur hur hur hur hur hur.

WHAT? It looked like a carpark!

hur hur hur.

and the barrier with a sign that said "No Entry except Authorized Vehicles" clearly did not deter us or even give us an inkling of what was ahead of us.

hur hur.

of course they blamed ME. well, i guess it was kinda my fault, considering i was the one who said, "Turn left NOW! NOW! NOW! There's the carpark!"

hur hur.

oops?

2006-07-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

kitty!

my younger brother texted me earlier tonight and told me to wait for him to get home as he had something to show me.

he appeared outside my room with two kittens!

SOOO CUTTTTEEE.

the kittens. not my brother.

hur hur.

they were rescued from some drain in our neighbourhood and one was named Jara and the other Naya.

We've since renamed them Bantut and Karat.

hur hur hur.

Bantut for the short-tailed one and Karat for the rust-coloured one.

hur hur.

Karat threw up on my towel after drinking too much milk! but it's okay. she's too cute to get mad at.

anyone who'd like to adopt them, please give me a call or leave a comment. i've already got two cats, can't afford to have two more.

:(

in any case, my elder brother said something silly.

Younger Brother: We couldn't find the kittens' mommy.
Elder Brother: Well, you know cats. She was out probably buying food for her babies.
Me: BUYING?!
EB: Oh. haha. Looking for food.

15 min later

YB: We came back the next day, after we found Jara (now known as Bantut) and the mommy was not there either.
Me: She was probably out working, so she can earn some money to buy her kids some food.

hur hur.

okay, that was funnier just now.

hur hur.

i shall now send some telepathic messages my parents' way, so they'll wake up thinking, "Hmm! Wouldn't it be great if we had two kittens to care for!"

well, one can hope.

2006-07-11T21:26:00.000+08:00

someday i'll get my 15 minutes of fame

the press briefing turnout was pretty good.

channel 8 came with their cameraman, who was in our campus grounds for FOUR WHOLE HOURS and they didn't film ANY PART of ME.

tell me how that is fair?!

sigh.

i did quite a lot of ground work for this briefing, you know. i DESERVE to appear on TV!

hur hur hur.

but it's okay. i was well-rewarded with lots and lots of food. i ate so much i thought i was about to keel over and die, which jubilated me a little, because then i wouldn't have to work! hur hur.

today i got so pissed with my boss and i think she knew.

i was supposed to write a short message welcoming the vice-chancellor of one of our partner unis.

i wrote "XXX warmly welcomes Prof XXX of XXX University to our XXXX."

She told me to be creative but honestly, how creative can you be with a welcome message.

So when I gave the message to her, she said, "Use language that's more flowery, more literary."

She looked at me and said, "Do you understand what I mean?"

Obviously I said No. That annoyed her and she attempted to think of an example but failed and said huffily, "Think about it. I don't have the answers to everything."

I'm not asking you for the meaning of life. I just need to know what you mean so I don't waste half a day trying to flower-ify the stupid message.

An hour later she came to my desk and asked how it was going. We then went back to her desk and all she could come up with was "XXX warmly welcomes Prof XXX of XXX University to our XXXX".

HMM.

sounds FAMILIAR.

oh wait, that was what i showed you an hour ago.

AND she said, "Well, there's just no way to be creative with such a short message."

Why, thank you for wasting one hour of my life, only to come to the same conclusion I did.

hmph.

However, I was cheered up by phonecalls from Work Boyfriend. We'll call him Mr. Coldplay from now on because he likes that annoying band (sorry Ley) and he has a girlfriend. So it's only right that I should stop calling him my WB. hur hur hur.

Anyway, he asked if I went to the Coldplay concert and I said no because I disliked them. I asked him to guess what the last concert I went to was.

"Engelbert Humperdinck," he said, with a snigger.

"HEY. I really did want to go for that concert, you know!"

"Are you kidding me?"

"WHAT?! He's awesome okay. I can't help it if I'm aging beyond my years. hahaha. But no, my last concert was Air Supply. hahahaa."

I could tell he was very unimpressed with my taste in music.

I started talking about the Air Supply concert and the leather pants they wore, to which he said, "Do you mean leotards?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAA.

That cracked me up.

LEATHER PANTS, okay. Not leotards.

hur hur hur.

Leotards are not as sexy.

hur hur hur.

He said their big hair bothered him. It's not that big!

hmph.

He said that he listened to their songs but that no one shall ever know that he does.

AHA!

So there you go.

I bet there are many like him who are closet Air Supply fans.

SHAME ON YOU for hiding such a beautiful passion.

hur hur hur hur hur hur hur hur.

2006-07-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

i got a yan yan out of it

out of the goodness of my heart, i decided to surprise my supervisor by going to work today, after i've informed her that i would not be coming in.

i felt kinda bad, leaving her all alone with my crazy ass boss, plus there's a press briefing tomorrow, so there were lots to be done.

by the end of the day, i regretted my decision.

hur hur.

i had to stay at work till 9.45pm, working on only 4 hours of sleep.

i'm amazed i'm still blogging. hur hur hur.

my supervisor was so thankful that she bought me yan yan biscuit stick, one of my favourite snacks as a kid.

hur hur.

i would have preferred a raise, but i suppose yan yan would suffice for now.

i bought some hokkien mee for dinner this afternoon but it didnt keep. it went bad. sniff. how disappointing.

okay. time to sleep. looong day tomorrow. i get to supervise the caterers! i asked my boss if she was sure that she wanted me to be alone with the food. i might just eat it all up.

hur hur hur.

2006-07-10T04:49:00.000+08:00

why's everyone still clothed?!

Italia!!!

i'm so glad i decided to watch this game. i missed the first 7 minutes though. i woke up just in time to watch zidane take the penalty. i thought i had overslept and that it was already the penalty shoot-out. hur hur hur.

speaking of zidane, i can't believe he's stupider than rooney. that headbutt was so uncalled for. but it definitely added to the drama. hur hur hur.

but kudos to the french for playing a great game. they did better than the italians in the second half. and i don't think anyone should blame trezeguet for missing the penalty. he's too pretty to be blamed. maybe he should take his shirt off. that might make him feel better.

hur hur.

oh dear god. i just saw gattuso with his pants off! gah. not a pretty sight.

in any case, as you know, the trophy is passed from winner to winner every 4 years. i wonder, what happens if say the current holder of the cup loses it? i mean, it could happen. especially if i have anything to do with it.

hur hur. maybe i should write in to FIFA. i'm sure now that the finals are over they'd have the time to entertain my questions.

hur hur.

Forza Azzurri!

i think i shall have some pasta later to celebrate the win.

hur hur.

god, i'm so full of shit.

i shall wait for cannavaro to take the trophy. hopefully he'd be SOOOO elated that he'd take his top off with a flourish.

what? one can hope!

2006-07-09T03:17:00.000+08:00

i hope it'll be in asia in 4 years

it's 3 and i'm awake!

totally unheard of since i'd started working.

hur hur.

but i must keep the tomboy in me alive. i'm up in the dead of the night to watch the third place game. no part of the game has registered yet as i'm still trying to remember why i'm awake. hur hur.

i'm rooting for deutschland tonight, so they won't lose so much face for not winning the world cup as hosts.

even though portugal has more cuties. especially Luiz Felipe Scolari is SOOOOO CUTE.

hur hur.

anyway, i'm HUNGRY.

2006-07-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

couple of things

my prayers were answered. i bought a top and a pair of pants within an hour.

but i didn't get the gold shoes. they didn't have it in my size. damn it. but they were sooooooo pretty. and was reduced from $145 to $110!

however, i bought shoes that cost me $25.90.

hur hur hur hur. i love myself.

and a purse for $10!!!

i am so pleased with myself!

hur hur.

but i'm a little sad that i'm poorer now. however, i wasn't very reluctant in spending my money after what happened this morning.

my boss called me this morning and gave me a 'pep talk' about how i wasn't showing my 'true potential' in my work.

hur hur hur.

and that my marketing and marketing communications background is not showing in my work.

HOW?

I'm SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT TO THE ORGANIZATION.

I can't live with myself. sob! My life is MEANINGLESS now, knowing that I am adding NOTHING to the organization.

hur hur hur hur hur.

firstly, there is NO way for me to show my 'true potential' or to make use of my marketing and marcom background because my job scope does NOT require it. maybe if you'd assign me some task in which i'd be able to make use of my background, then maybe you can bitch about me not showing my true potential.

secondly, i'm a lowly temp. when i notice grammatical errors or sentences that do not make sense, i'd obviously go to the source (usually a manager) and ask if they'd like to change the sentence to make it sound better and more grammatically accurate.

but how do you suppose i should react when they tell me that what they wrote is correct and that i'm wrong? am i supposed to insist that they're wrong? i know my place in the organization and i'm not about to jeopardize it by throwing my weight around and overstepping people who are higher up in the food chain than me. like i'm not going to tell you that your conduct is unprofessional in many ways, from what you've said and done since the first day we met.

hur hur hur.

i'm not really pissed but it's not something you want to hear at 8 in the morning, you know?

hur hur.

especially since i've bent over backwards in securing a reporter for the press briefing on her behalf. if i had known she was going to give me this pep talk, i wouldn't have given a shit.

hur hur hur.

anwyay, i spent the next half hour on the phone with my supervisor bitching. hur hur. and the following half hour with my colleague sitting next to me.

hur hur.

on a separate matter, i have gotten back my hotmail account. MSN finally got around to getting off its ass and helping me retrieve it. some dudes named Dante and Kurt helped. i bet they're fake. hur hur hur. i must thank everyone that has helped me through my trying time *chokes with emotion*.

ha ha ha.

but i do thank those who personally ridiculed the asshole who hacked into my account. special kudos goes to celine who went out of the way just to throw a few expletives his way. i'm sure she enjoyed it very much though. also anyone who helped in the retrieval of my account.

NO THANKS to those who refused to convince the asshole that i was hot and had big boobs. WHAT? It's not lying if you do it for a friend!

hur hur hur.

in any case, who has been visiting this blog? i'm so touched that over 200 of you visit this blog everyday even when i've got nothing to write about. hur hur hur. obviously you haven't got much else to do, have you!

you know, if each of you donated $1 to me everyday, and i worked overtime till midnight (i just received news that i'll be paid for overtime) everyday, i'm pretty sure i'd be able to achieve my target salary.

hur hur.

you know, IF.

so any takers?

2006-07-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

there goes my weekend

i have to work tomorrow.

noooooo!

it shouldn't be too bad though. i need to do some editing and then hopefully finish preparing the press kits once my boss clears the press release and whatnots.

i can't remember half the things i'm supposed to do.

i had a horribly panicked moment this afternoon when I couldn't find the latest proof of the student prospectus on my desk. My desk is like a warzone, okay, but I always know where my shit is. But I knew no one'd believe me if I said I didn't lose it. So I hounded the managers and the assistant director. The AD was much nicer than the managers. Assholes! Anyway, I found out that one of the senior managers stole it off my desk so I had to apologize to the AD, who said that I owed him a lunch.

I shall offer him M&Ms on Monday.

hur hur.

It's a balanced diet if you eat them in even numbers.

anyway, on to more exciting news. tomorrow i'll be looking for something to wear to the gala dinner. please, everyone, pray that i find something that flatters my ass and chest, because those are the most important bits of a woman. hur hur hur.

okay, no, pray that i find something that makes me look awesome. and that it'll be cheap.

and that they have the gold shoes in my size.

and that i find a complete outfit within 1 hour.

hur hur.

i was on the phone with my boss earlier today and she kept saying that she appreciated the fact that i was such a dedicated employee.

you know what?

i think i should win the Employee of the Year Award even though I've only been there for 2 months.

hur hur.

which temp works an average of 11 hours a day without overtime pay, i ask you? without any complaints too, except the occasional 'OH MY GOD. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF' and 'OH MY GOD. I WANT TO VOMIT BLOOD.'

The first is expressed when I've got too much work to do and the second when someone fucks up and I have to clean up their mess.

hur hur hur.

but i do love my job.

hur hur.

2006-07-06T21:38:00.000+08:00

only the old farts would say "age is just a number"

In the cafeteria

Me: So how old is your maid?
Colleague: About your age lah.
Me: Oh. So 18? hur hur.
Colleague: Ha ha ha. No lah. She's about 20, 21.

AHAHAHAA!

I look 20!

Hooray!

Anyway, my boss thought that I still listened to 98.7FM. She was a little horrified when I told her that my favourite radio stations were Class 95FM and Gold 90.5. hur hur. She thought that she had screwed up her media strategy and advertising on the wrong channels. hur hur. But I told her that I was aging beyond my years, so that's probably why I listen to Class 95FM.

hur hur.

in any case, i must i must i must stop flirting with Work Boyfriend over the phone. i've finally found out what he looks like (investigative techniques abound!) so that should help somewhat in toning down the flirting. he's not ugly, okay, even though the first thing my friend said was, "HE'S UGLY!!!!!" hur hur. she's so harsh. but he looks like this asshole i once knew. i forget who he was but this dude has one of those annoying Please-hit-me faces. Kinda like the one i have.

hur hur hur hur.

ha. i'm so funny.

but. moving on to a FAR MORE important subject.

I STILL DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR TO THE GALA DINNER.

I am SO screwed.

maybe i can pretend to be sick on that night.

AAAAHHH.

also, the dreams where i am being pursued by a man trying to kill me are back. i told my mom about it and she didn't laugh. i think she seemed quite concerned that i'm having those dreams so frequently.

so if i don't update for a while, please ring up the Institute of Mental Health and enquire if my mom's gone and checked me in there.

okay?

hur hur.

2006-07-05T21:58:00.000+08:00

this is why i love my job

i found out today that the president of the company i work for carries around in his bag a table calendar (the standing kind) on which he writes his appointments.

hur hur hur hur.

i should get him a proper diary.

hur hur hur.

he's such a cute old man.

anyway, the colleague who sits next to me is leaving the company next week.

Her parting gift to me?

Half a bag of pantyliners.

I feel the love, people!

2006-07-05T00:08:00.000+08:00

don't be misguided

i'm pretty sure speed isn't everything.

side note. i think i'm pmsing.

i've been cranky with anyone who so much as exhales too loudly in my direction.

2006-07-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

CRISIS!

i need help.

my senior manager got me invited to the company's 50th anniversary gala dinner.

I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!

how am i supposed to find something fabulous to wear in ELEVEN DAYS?!

AAAAH.

i do, however, have a pretty good idea of the shoes i'd like to purchase.

hehe.

i saw this pair of gold heels at Taka (shimaya. Not Jewellery, okay. hur hur.) and they were $145. not the kind of money i'd spend on shoes but hey, this IS a pretty fancy ocassion and it comes only once in a lifetime!

yes.

that's what i will tell myself when i hand over my card.

sigh. how?! i have nothing to wear!

WHAT A TRAGEDY!

i told my boss that i need a raise just so i can buy new clothes for the dinner.

hur hur.

in any case, we had The Talk.

the talk about my future with the company, that is.

Afer we were done, we both got depressed because we decided that we weren't paid our worth. I think it's time for me to start actively looking for a job again. How annoying.

i'm far too lazy to do that and honestly, i hate the whole bit where you're new and need to find a way to fit in. it's such a cumbersome process. i've fit in perfectly fine with my colleagues now. how do i know? because:

My boss: (looking at my tired and near-suicidal expression) Winda, are your brains overcooked now?
Colleague: You mean they were working before?

I shall just retaliate by not processing his ads. Ha!

Or pass him ads and brochures to approve 5 minutes before knock-off time. He hates it when I do that.

sigh.

I so depressed.

2006-07-03T22:04:00.000+08:00

Winda the Minah Melayu: Edisi Keempat

saya ni memanglah.

dah lah jatuh, ditimpa tangga pulak tu.

macam tak cukup-cukup masalah saya ni. dah lah email saya dipotong (hack tu potong kan? macam hacking weeds gitu.), lepas tu mak saya telepon saya pagi tadi pasal kad ATM dia hilang.

semua gara-gara saya lah ni.

bukan saja saya hilangkan dompet saya, sekarang saya dah hilangkan kad ATM mak saya pulak. mana tak mati? bila saya balik tadi, saya naik tangga dengan senyap sunyi supaya mak saya tak dengar yang saya dah balik. takut kena pukul pulak kan.

jalanmanamana, dah lama saya tak menaip dalam bahasa melayu ye? malam ni, saya akan mengumpat tentang si pemotong (HACKER la) tu. dia tidak paham bahasa melayu, jadi saya akan menulis perkataan-perkataan bahasa Inggeris secara random. jadi awak jangan terperanjat, ya? saya akan menulis perkataan-perkataan itu walaupun mereka tiada kena-mengena dengan apa yang mungkin saya katakan, ya?

dalam mana-mana kes (in any case), oooh, si Karl ni badan dia boleh tahan eh? Walaupun dia memang jantan tak guna.

Eh. terpesong pulak saya ni.

ahh apa eh saya nak katakan.

ahh, tu lah, si pemotong tu tiny penis (inilah yang saya maksudkan, ye) memang takde kerja lain. susah saya dibuatnya tau. dah lah tu, awak-awak ni semua kan, saya dah karang warkah elektronik pada awak semua tapi tiada siapa yang baca! penat tau! abih tu asik tanya apa jadi! geram saya dibuatnya laughed at it! tau.

saya rasa pemotong tu adalah seorang homoseksual almari yang kelaparan seks (sex-starved closet gay). saya amat benci sekali terhadapnya. saya dah menulis 2 warkah elektronik kepada suratpanas (hotmail. hahaha.) tapi tak ada jawabnya. mereka ni semua tak kerja ke? pemalas betul lah.

kisah tentang pemotong ni amat pendek sekali. dia suka mengacau saya apabila saya atasbarisan (online. betul kan?) dengan menyuruh saya menunjukkannya gambar2 telanjang saya. Pertama, gila ke? Kedua, kalau saya ni jambu takpe jugak kan? Muka dah lah tak seberapa, ada hati nak ambik gambar bogel. Ish ish ish. Ketiga, kalau saya ada pun, macam lah saya nak kasi dia eh. Saya tak tau lah dia ni berasal dari negara mana. Tak salah saya, kawan saya memberitahu saya yang dia dari Pakistan. Macamlah saya kisah. Kalau kat Singapura takpe jugak, boleh saya bakar rumah dia. Itu pun kalau dia tinggal di kawasan timur. Kalau kat Jurong takpe lah eh. Macam jauh gitu. Buang minyak kereta saya saja. ataupun duit ezlink saya.

jalanmanamana, saya rasa si pemotong ni memang keseorangan, takde perempuan yang nak kat dia. pasal tu lah dia kena kacau saya di atasbarisan. sebenarnya, dia smaller than tiny i bet! mengamuk dengan saya kerana saya tak layankan dia. macam mana saya nak layankan? macam lah saya ni banyak masa nak layan orang gila macam dia?

eh awak pening tak baca pos saya kali ni? awak jangan baca tulisan yang berbahasa Inggeris lah. Alamat elektronik saya tu ada warkah-warkah elektronik yang boleh di-trace ke alamat blog ni. jadi, saya ingin dia rasakan betapa bestnya kalau orang berbual pasal dia didepan mata dia dan dia tak paham. hur hur.

padan muka.

semalam dia menukar nama timangan saya menjadi "Desperate for a fuck, Please call if interested". bukankah saya sudah katakan yang dia ni memang harus dihumban ke dalam gaung?

yang menghiris hati ialah, tiada satu orang pun menelepon saya.

MENGAPA?!

hur hur hur.

dalam fakta (in fact), ada satu rakan saya tu tidak syak langsung bahawa orang itu bukanlah saya.

ada ke gitu?

perangai saya tak elok sampai gitu ke? pasti kecewa ibu bapa saya jikalau mereka tau.

hur hur

oh. daripada itu jalan (by the way), teman lelaki kerja (work boyfriend) saya sudah mempunyai temanita. tak adil betul! nasib baik mukanya tak seberapa. kalau tak, kehilangan yang amat besar sekali!

okay lah, saya pun tak tau rupanya kacak ke tidak, tapi menurut rakan-rakan kerja saya, dia tak kacak langsung. tapi kan, saya ni memang ada sejarah jatuh hati dengan lelaki-lelaki yang tidak kacak. hehe.

eh dah lah. penat saya. nak tidur lah. tadi saya baru dapat gaji tau. seronok ya!!!

nak beli kasut ah!

2006-07-02T22:42:00.000+08:00

FAQ

okay. this whole hacking thing has gotten out of hand. not because i had to switch the address for my MSN, but because of all the questions that have been repeatedly asked.

so, please, do read this before you ask me anymore questions.

I very tired, you know!

1) Who did this?

Someone on my list. I don't know him personally but he's a friend of a friend.

2) How can you be sure that it's him?

I can't be 100% sure but I'm 99% sure that it's him. Because he's the only person I know childish enough, who has nothing better to do.

3) How did he do it?

He hacked into my account and changed the password. As for the technical details, if I knew, I wouldn't be here typing out this FAQ. hur hur.

4) Why are both email addresses on at the same time?

Because one of them is the hacker and the other one is me.

5) Are you trying to trick me?

Sure, maybe. if I had the drive in me to bother to trick 84 people. My laziness would get in the way.

6) No, really, are you?

NO.

7) Should I block and delete that account?

Yes. I would urge you to do that, in case he tries to send you a virus or annoy you with his extreme stupidity that you might be compelled to kill him.

8) Before I do that, should I insult him?

Yes please. I mean, do as you see fit. I've had some very nice friends who went out of their way to insult him. hur hur hur. What? Childishness begets childishness. And it's only fair. But if he insults you in return, please don't blame me. You need to be able to take what you give, yes?

Now, if you have other questions, please direct all your mail to my PR consultant.

i have yet to appoint one, so you just have to hang on to your questions now, don't you!

2006-07-02T21:35:00.000+08:00

men with whom i'd like to have my way with

1) Harrison Ford

Now he's my all-time favourite. Even though he looks like he needs a cane when he walks these days, he's still sexy. Maybe it's the Indiana Jones in him.

yum.

2) Paul Bettany

Him, I fell in lust with after A Knight's Tale. I do like English men. The accent. ahhh. it can melt even the iciest heart. if you have any hot English male friends, please do send some my way. But I'll pass if they are look like and are as hairy as Wayne Rooney. hur hur.

3) Vincent D'Onofrio

I'd only discovered him a few weeks back. After watching a few episodes of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, I was convinced that I wanted to marry him. Detective Bobby Goren is just such a brilliant man. sigh.

4) William Petersen

Hint.

Whooooo are you? Who Who Who Who? I really wanna knoooooow.

Gil Grissom, of course! The above is the theme song of CSI, of course.

Another brilliant mind.

5) Kiefer Sutherland

I know, I know. I used to dislike him.

But he's just so clever in 24, isn't he?!

huh.

So apparently I'm attracted to brilliant men. Well, opposites do attract after all.

hur hur.

anyway, on a separate subject, i've made a mental checklist of things to buy when i'm rich.

1) A Coach bag
2) A pair of Jimmy Choos
3) A piece of jewellery from Tiffany & Co
4) A dryer

hur hur hur.

Out of the 4, i really really would like to purchase No. 4. hur hur. Next, would be, of course, Jimmy Choos!

the handmade ones.

sigh. so exciting.

2006-07-02T01:00:00.000+08:00

because i'm a filial daughter

today was my off day but i had to work anyway.

for free too!

i helped out at my mom's store because there was some event at the mall and there were many many many people.

you know what the highlight of my day was?

playing with the cash register and the NETS machine!!!

i've always wanted to be a cashier. as unambitious as that may seem. but i've always had a fascination with the cash register and when i was younger, i asked my parents for one for my birthday every year. they eventually relented and got me a huge calculator that was able to print receipts.

hur hur.

and when my cousins came over, i'd force them to play shop with me. i'd put stickers on the stuff in my room, pretending they were price tags and my cousins would pretend to be shoppers who'd 'buy' these items and i'd be the cashier.

hur hur hur.

i should stop divulging snippets of my stupidity with you, really. hur hur.

in any case, we were about to close the store when a Dutch lady came to purchase a blouse and she took quite a lot of time trying the different blouses on. i had to zip and unzip the blouses for her several times and got an eyeful. in fact, i saw the naked bodies of many old ladies today because all of them were trying out blouses with zippers at the back. hur hur hur.

ANYWAY.

after the dutch lady had decided on which one to get, i unzipped it for her and she proceeded to take the top off in the MIDDLE of the store. hur hur hur.

thank God she noticed where she was midway and said, "Oh dear! Sorry! Sorry!" and scuttled back into the fitting room.

hmm.

now that i think about it, when she entered the fitting area, she failed to pull the curtain close. i had to do it for her, mostly because i didn't particularly want to see her naked. hur hur hur.

but she was very pleased that i was so nice to her even though all she bought was a $15 blouse. she obviously hasn't heard of the smiles2006 campaign going on in our country. ahem. hur hur. I am Going the Extra Mile for Service!

ha ha ha.

i'm so funny.

anwyay, speaking of service. i was frustrated with this kid who took my call at the Pizza Hut hotline. I was trying to order a pizza for my mom and some fried chicken for my brothers. Please understand that I've done this before and I've never had any problems until today.

Kid: Sorry ma'am. If you'd like to order from KFC too it'd be a separate order because this area is served by two different restaurants. Meaning there'll be two separate riders who'll deliver the food.

Me: Oh is this a new policy?

Kid: No ma'am.

Me: Okayyy. But usually only one delivery guy comes even though I order from both KFC and Pizza Hut.

Kid: Sorry ma'am. This area is served by two different restaurants.

Me: This isn't new right?

Kid: No ma'am.

Me: Okay, well nevermind then. If it's a separate order then it's a separate order. Go ahead then.

Kid: Okay. (mumbles) 6......X......X.........X.......X..............

Me: (interrupting his mumbling of my phone number for the 2nd time) Just so you know, I've placed orders like this before and it's usually just one delivery guy that comes.

Kid: Yes ma'am. But this area is...

Me: (interrupting again. hur hur.) I didn't move house, you know. hur hur hur. I've always ordered from this address!

Kid: Oh! Hmmm. Sorry ma'am. I don't know.

Me: Okay okay, nevermind. Go ahead.

Kid: 6......X......X...........X.........X.... Hello? Hello?

Me: Yes?

Kid: Oh.......X...........X.........X................. Miss........Win........da...........

(long pause)

Kid: Ma'am I'm sorry to inform you that the restaurant in your area is not able to make any deliveries at the moment due to the overwhelming number of orders.

&^%$&^.

What a fucking waste of time.

hur hur hur hur.

by the way, I made him repeat my order over and over because i ordered some baked pasta and he kept referring to it as baked rice. i told him i didn't want any pineapples with it so once he got everything right, i hung up.

the baked pasta came and it was FILLLLLLLLLEDDDDDD with pineapples.

i bet he did that on purpose.

I counted SEVENTEEN pineapple pieces.

i should have found out what his name was.

hur hur hur.

anyway, HOW?!!! It's penalty shoot-outs for England and Portugal.

I hate penalty shoot-outs. It's too much pressure! TOO MUCH!

Update: England lost. I am very sad. No more Rio Ferdinand, no more Ashley Cole, Joe Cole, Steven Gerrard, Paul Robinson or Gary Neville. All the cuties! WHY!!!! hmph. I can't believe they got Lampard to shoot. He hasn't scored at all in the recent games. That should have been enough of a sign. And what the hell was Jamie Carragher thinking, kicking the ball before the whistle was blown? And Wayne Rooney? That hairy beast. Stupid stupid stupid.

On the upside, there's still Cristiano Ronaldo to look forward to. Yum. Who cares if he's 3 years younger! And Luis Figo. That man is hot hot hot. sigh.

2006-07-01T01:48:00.000+08:00

tonight i blog again

germany won.

4-2 on penalty shoot-out.

i feel a little sad for the argentines. i mean, their goalkeeper did get injured, thanks to Mr. Klose and his knee. his substitute looked a little nervous. I'd be nervous too, with all that hair getting in my way. How could he have seen where the ball was going with his hair flying all over his face?

watching the game, i realized that Michael Ballack is a less chiseled version of Mark Wahlberg. Don't you think so?

Michael Ballack (L); Mark Wahlberg (R)

sigh.

i'm pretty sure football wouldn't be as exciting if not for the cute men.

anyway, one of the argentines hit the back of some dude in a jacket but i didn't know why! the commentator was saying, "Seems that some of the Argentines aren't happy with a particular German who was."

Yes.

That was the end of the sentence.

Because Starhub cut the telecast short.

"Was WHAT?! WHAT?!!," I yelled at the TV, to no avail.

Now I have to read the newspaper to find out why they were so pissed.

Damn it.

You know, i feel a little sorry for Diego Maradona, who has been so sporting, flailing his arm in the air, like most of the Argentines. I have no idea what they were singing but apparently every Argentine did the same thing and sang the same words. So, kudos to them for their spirit. hur hur. I wonder what Singaporeans would chant if it were the Singapore team playing.

REFEREE KAYU! REFEREE KAYU!

Because obviously we're going to lose.

hur hur.

I only found out this year that the host country of the World Cup gets automatic entry into the finals (Not the finals, finals. Just the round of 32, i think.). So there you go, an opportunity for Singapore!

All we need to do is host The 2010 World Cup and we're all set! We'll get the ah longs (or whatever you call bookies or people who are into match-fixing) to fix the matches so we'll realize the dream of winning the golden trophy.

How about that?

We could have concurrent matches at the National Stadium (reserved for games played by the Singapore team, only the best of course) and we'll leave the neighbourhood stadiums for the teams that are really good, like Brazil, Germany, etc. so that they'll play at lousy football fields and hopefully injure themselves. Then only the underdogs will rise and then at least it wouldn't look too obvious that we cheated when we win matches against them.

hur hur.

I am a genius, I know.

But for the record, dear ISD personnel, I do love Singapore.

hur hur.

2006-07-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Zhaki!

Zhaki Zhaki.

what can i say about this not-a-boy-but-not-yet-a-man (his words) friend of mine.

I've known him since days of yore, back when i was in secondary school, which was, ahem, 2 years ago. hur hur.

anyway, zhaki is a stud (well, i have to say that since it's his birthday, don't i? hur hur.) and he's single, girls!

Happy Birthday, Gorgeous. Have a good one. :p

------

today's been such a looooong day. well, actually, i worked the normal hours that i usually do but for some reason today felt extremely long and endless. i am soooo tired. probably from the unending proofreading i had to do. all i did today was proofread countless pages of text and clear ads.

the highlight of my day was talking to my work boyfriend about Malaysia. hur hur. my favourite country! the day got better toward the end because i met hawa for dinner, after which we went to Marine Parade in the search for the elusive Coke Slurpee. I hadn't had it for aaaaaggggggessss. Hawa then took a cab home and gave me a lift but none of the cabs wanted to stop for us. So I entertained myself by singing by the roadside, with a cup of Slurpee in my hand, not unlike a drunkard.

hur hur.

we finally got a cab by flagging furiously to ensure that the cabby clearly understood our intent. hur hur.

anyway, i met with this guy from a publishing company today and the following conversation ensued:

Boss: (in the middle of proofreading, turns to look at the guy) What are you?

Me: He's a man?

Boss: No no, what are you? You've got a Malay name but you don't look Malay.

Jaafar the Publishing Guy: My father's Arab and my mom's Javanese.

Boss: Oh. That's why. Your eyes gave you away. What are they, brown?

JtPG: Yes yes.

Boss: Ah. That's why, I was thinking that you don't look Malay. (turns her attention to me) Like Winda, she doesn't seem Malay, especially her name.

Winda: (annoyed that i had to read the same sentence over and over because they kept talking) That's because I'm not really Malay lah. My parents are both Javanese and so are my grandparents. Except my grandma who's Chinese. Hence the eyes. (I didn't say small eyes because my boss is Chinese and I'm not THAT stupid as to possibly offend the woman who has the power to fire me. hur hur.)

Boss and JtPG both start staring at me.

JtPG: (thoughtfully) Hmmmmm. You know, she has deep set eyes.

Boss: (staring at me) You are right. You know, Winda, you do look Javanese.

I start to get a little annoyed because I had no idea what deep set eyes meant and assumed it was something bad.

Boss and JtPG both still staring at me.

Me: Okay okay. Stop staring at me. This is making me nervous!

The moment I got home I looked up what deep set eyes meant.

I still have no idea if deep set eyes is a good or bad thing.

hur hur.

I should be happy that I have eyes at all, eh.

Anyway, some motherfucker hacked into my hotmail account. So, please, ignore any messages that he might send you via my email or MSN.

How annoying. I'm pretty sure I can pinpoint which motherfucker did it.

But for now, I should stop swearing.

hur hur.

And watch in wonder as Argentina and Germany go head to head with penalty shootouts. Maybe. Unless someone scores in the next 15 mins.

And for the record, I have no idea what a Javanese girl is supposed to look like.

hur hur.

Oh and please, if there is a pressing need to contact me (say you need entertainment IMMEDIATELY), then of course, you can add me to uber_winda@yahoo.com. I will remove it once I kill the stupid idiot who hacked into my account. Or maybe I will stick to it forever because there are some pretty annoying people on my current MSN list.

hur hur hur hur.

we'll see.

2006-06-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

Hi, my name is Winda

Hi.

My name is Winda.

I work in the Communications Department of a local private institution.

My job involves reading hundreds and hundreds of pages of brochures, flyers, etc. ensuring that there aren't any grammatical errors and that messages are communicated effectively.

that's right.

i get paid to fix everyone else's sentences.

there's no job i'd love more. okay, apart from getting paid doing absolutely nothing. hur hur hur.

Today I worked for 11 hours until my eyes burned. I was the last in my department to leave because I was proofreading a copy of some prospectus.

And....

...I am still not done with it.

hur hur.

ANYWAY.

I have great colleagues. Colleagues who make me go to Anchorpoint for a shoe sale. Twice!

And I have not-so-great colleagues. Like Hairy Bastard Upstairs. However, he's leaving the company tomorrow, so I shall forgive him. Plus I've called him a few times and he sounds pretty good on the phone. He's got a voice made for hotlines you call when you need a little company at night.

hur hur hur.

He kept breathing heavily into the phone and I couldn't stop giggling.

hur hur.

I have a pretty great manager, who do not tell me off when i fuck up (which i have done several times) and buys me banana fritters in the afternoon.

hur hur.

I have a not-so-great senior manager, who likes talking to me when I am attempting to pee and who likes to write me notes and leave them on my chair. She's actually pretty okay. We're on the same wavelength so it can be quite easy to understand her expectations. But of course, I'm the queen of fuck ups, so misunderstandings happen all the time. hur hur. Yesterday, she annoyed me in the morning so I let her walk around the whole day with dried toothpaste at the side of her mouth.

hur hur.

Hi.

My name is Winda.

And I think I can be quite a bitch.

hur hur.

In any case, this post doesn't really have a point. I am just trying to remind myself that I ought to be happy with my life.

Because everyone needs a little reminder sometimes.

2006-06-28T20:55:00.000+08:00

singapore idol sucks, yet here i am, watching it week after week

Singapore Idol sucks.

bah.

the judges suck too.

hur hur. i thought Jacintha was wearing earphones and i thought, How rude! She's listening to her iPod when giving comments!

i've never claimed to be bright, okay.

hmph.

hur hur.

anyway, her 'earphones' were actually her earrings. odd-looking ones at that.

in any case, something happened at work today. but i can't remember what it was. damn it.

i'll be back when i recall what it was.

hur hur.

oh what i do remember was that my colleague said there was no way that i could be 'more than 25 years old because you don't look it'.

i declared my love for him.

too bad he's married.

damn it!

2006-06-27T22:31:00.000+08:00

is correction fluided a word?

Colleague: Eh Winda. How do you say, you know, liquid paper, that thing?
Me: Liquid paper? Correction paper? Correction fluid? Correction tape?
Colleague: No, how do you put it in this sentence...The document has a stamp which was...correction fluided?

hur hur hur hur hur.

he is SO weird.

in any case, yesterday i fucked up big. not just big, MASSIVE. actually, i'm not sure if it was my fault. but anyway, there was an ad due yesterday. unfortunately, the WHOLE department forgot to tell our ad agency about it.

hur hur hur.

usually i'm the one who informs the ad agency but so does my manager. this time, neither of us did.

oops.

good thing no one yelled at me. i'm starting to think they're too nice to me. i'm waiting for the moment someone loses her temper and goes straight to killing me.

hur hur hur.

i do not doubt for one second that it will happen eventually.

2006-06-26T21:41:00.000+08:00

pictures from my *guniang phone

this is what i do at work.

Task #1: Take photo of pop-up advertisement in the Marketing Magazine and kick self because i didn't think of it before they did.

Task #2: Arrange office stationery in alternate colours. That's right. I have had THREE staplers to my name since the first day I started work. Three staplers but one pen. But ah, my pen collection is steadily growing, thanks to my frequent visits to the bookshop.

Task #3: Rearrange colleague's soft toys in compromising positions.

okay, usually i don't have time to do shit like these. hur hur. but today was an no ordinary day. i was actually bored. i ran out of things i wanted to do. in the end, i decided to clean my desk and everyone commented on how neat it was.

i am so pleased with myself!

anyway, when i got home, i found this.

and this, people, is how we incur the wrath of our neighbours and possibly be in the next Everitt-Rd-Jalan-Angin-Laut-and-now-Telok-Kurau neighbour dispute.

if my neighbour was a mean bastard, he'd open and close his gate a few hundred times and the ass of my dad's car will be riddled with green scratches and dents.

hur hur.

but honestly, there wasn't much else we could do. our auto gate has died on us for the millionth time and none of the cars can be parked at the porch.

hur hur.

so tragic.

*guniang = chinese for girly. or just simply, gay. The Winda interpretation of that, at least. hur hur.

* my guniang phone is the nokia 7370. i finally bought it! hurrah! it's soooo pweeeetttyyy.

2006-06-26T20:11:00.000+08:00

The Great Yong Tau Foo Incident

sigh.

i am SO sad.

i was in the kitchen slightly before 8 and was prepping my yong tau foo in time for My Wife and Kids.

an adequate amount of chilli and just the right amount of yong tau foo sauce.

mix mix mix.

salivate salivate salivate.

cleaned the kitchen and made my way to my room.

on my way out of the kitchen, my STUPID STUPID shirt sleeve got itself hooked to the door handle and i watched in SUPREME HORROR as the bowl of yong tau foo FLY INTO THE AIR and dropped with a horrible SPLAT on the floor, with noodles and sauce, slithering and dripping down the wall.

sob.

a fishball rolled slowly and sadly across the floor as i stood there, flabbergasted and wailing something about my fucking yong tau foo.

sniff.

it was then that i resolved that I, Winda, will NEVER EVER wear clothes at home ever again. or at least when I'm holding a bowl of noodles.

sigh.

2006-06-25T00:54:00.000+08:00

sniff.

poor sweden.

i feel so sorry for them. i wonder if ikea will close tomorrow to mourn their country's loss.

hur hur.

i feel so inclined to make large purchases there just to express my sympathy towards their country. the swedes looked so sad. see, this is why i try not to watch sports. i hate it when people lose.

sniff.

in any case, i was a little pissed with Starhub. They cut the after-game shirt-exchange moment short.

hmph!

I didn't get to see Fredrik Ljungberg topless. How could they!

actually i'm not sure if he was even playing. hur hur hur.

but even if he wasn't, he should have emerged from the benches and taken off his shirt anyway. i mean, come on. do us girls a favour.

sigh.

on a separate subject, i had the following conversation at work today:

Me: Eh, how ah? I need to make this longer.
Colleague: But I don't know how to make it longer.
Me: Jenny said I need to make Dr. K's longer than Dr. D's. How? How do I make his longer?! Oh God. Can someone help me make it longer?!!
2nd Colleague: That sounds SO wrong.

We were talking about CVs by the way.

hur hur.

I think we need to look at better choice of words.

2006-06-24T17:35:00.000+08:00

of all the stupid things

i woke up at 8.26am this morning.

the first thing i said was, "AGAIN?!!!"

hur hur.

well at least it wasn't too bad this time. i made it to work by 9am. I managed to shower, brush my teeth, powder my face and draw my eyebrows.

even i was impressed.

hur hur hur.

it was an extremely slow day at work. i was so bored. it picked up towards the end because my colleague's daughter came for a visit.

that was my day. how exciting.

oh then i went home and i got an offer to post my pictures on a porn site. how nice of my friend to hook me up with weirdos like that.

i'm going to go plan his death now.

2006-06-22T20:42:00.000+08:00

and the world was silent

i lost my voice again today.

it was so damn tragic. especially since people kept calling.

tsk.

i was whispering into the phone all day. hur hur.

so sexy!

that, or so much like a pervert!

the man (with the big ass) whom i've got a crush on came to my desk today to explain the changes he made to one of the ads. i couldn't talk so i kept gesturing and he asked, "Toothache?"

I shook my head and pointed to my throat.

He said, "Did you swallow something you weren't supposed to swallow?"

for some reason, it sounded so obscene to us that we couldn't stop laughing for a good five minutes.

tsk tsk.

just like when i asked my colleague if she had any nuts (i was thinking of chickpeas) and she looked at her crotch and said, "Umm nope."

Tsk.

Ahh. how it cracked me up.

I have no idea why my colleagues are such nutjobs.

like as if i need any more encouragement. hur hur.

2006-06-21T20:09:00.000+08:00

good thing i'm good at talking with my hands

i've lost my voice again.

yesterday i was talking to a customer relations officer from the printing company when i started croaking (not like a frog, okay.). mind you, it was the first time i had ever spoken to her. i had spoken with her colleagues before but never her. and she asked what was wrong with my voice. and then she LAUGHED!

if that wasn't bad enough, she told her colleagues and i heard them laughing at me. HOW DARE THEY.

hmph.

not having my voice means that i have to gesture a lot. today i went to cut my hair (at Auntie Nellie's!) and i had to use my hands to convey what i wanted. she must have understood what i was saying because i still have my hair and i don't look like a freak (or any more than i already do. hur hur.).

anyway, Auntie Nellie washed my hair today and it happened again.

My forehead made contact with her boobs.

More than once.

I was a little grossed out. I must say that I have groped more than my share of boobs but I've never pressed my head against any.

let's just say it wasn't a very pleasant experience.

hur hur.

2006-06-21T13:45:00.000+08:00

what are the chances that mr ljungberg takes his top off?

i didn't watch the match this morning because i was too busy sleeping. hur hur.

i went to bed at 1 and set the alarm for 3 am, but in my drug-induced stupor, i thought i had set the alarm for me to wake up for work. hur hur. and i cursed myself for forgetting that i wasn't supposed to work today.

but it's okay, i'm watching the repeat telecast now, waiting patiently for fredrik ljungberg to take his top off. it probably won't happen but hey, a girl can hope.

hur hur.

2006-06-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

why have i been such a bitch lately?

i have been SO cranky lately.

and i don't know why.

okay, i know why. i just refuse to talk about it.

i've also been sad.

tonight i cried four times in the span of one hour. because i was watching Grey's Anatomy. that damn show!

but it wasn't just that.

oh well. i've decided that i want to be an Ecstasy smuggler. i'm getting tips from CSI!

hur hur.

okay. i kid. i don't even know where to get Ecstasy. maybe from a spiky-haired dude wearing a leather jacket in the alley? like in the ad?

hur hur.

okay. i'm going to go feel sorry for myself now.

i think it could be slurpee deprivation.

2006-06-20T20:00:00.000+08:00

i don't really feel that sick but anything to get out of working

so.

i felt like shit today.

i couldn't concentrate on anything i was doing.

i went to the polyclinic nearby and the doctor gave me one and a half days of medical leave. hooray!

and then i went back to the office to tell my work boyfriend that i wouldn't be around tomorrow and i told him how i kept showering in the middle of the night.

i said, "i know, i know. sometimes i'm amazed by my profound brilliance."

he said, "Nah, that's just nuts."

i never said eloquence was one of his strongest traits.

hur hur.

anyway, the polyclinic scared me. it was a huge one-storey building and was really old. i think it used to be a school. it was dark and very scary. hur hur. the doctor wasn't very pleasant but i'm not going to complain because he's the reason why i will be watching the England-Sweden match tomorrow morning and not worry about going to work.

hur hur.

in any case, i found out that the colleague whom i've got a crush on is MARRIED.

just my luck!

damn it!

hmph.

Married men ought to be required BY LAW to wear a wedding ring.

i saw a ring-less man today at Parkway. he was hot! hot! hot!

Tall, nice ass and wore cuff links.

and he was African. or African-American. he's black? i have no idea what the politically correct term is these days. honestly. i mean, i don't have the time (or guts actually) to find out if the black men i see are American. I mean, that's why you call them African-American, right? But I've never heard anyone say African-Ugandan. or African-Ethiopian.

ohh. unless African denotes the race?

oh who gives a shit. so long as you understood what i meant, eh?

and are people who live in Uganda really known as Ugandans?

i don't know. i was a history major.

hur hur.

2006-06-19T21:10:00.000+08:00

i am going to complain

i hurt.

physically and emotionally (so gay!).

my face hurts. i think i'm coming down with the flu. probably thanks to the showers i kept taking last night. it was SO hot and my air con died and i kept waking up every 2 hours all hot and sweaty (and not in a good way). so i kept taking showers and i ended up getting just a few hours of sleep.

which resulted in a cranky winda.

but i've been sad. i've been soooo sad that i told my friend that i wanted to commit suicide by alcohol poisoning. but since i don't consume alcohol, i'd have to settle for slurpee poisoning instead.

at least i'd die a happy girl.

hur hur.

anyway, something stupid happened today. i almost fell off the steps on the bus. my heel got stuck to the edge of the steps and i flailed my arms about in an attempt to stay upright.

however, my embarrassment decreased slightly when the guy in front of me turned to apologize because he thought i had almost fallen because he was in my way.

i didn't correct him and merely said, "Oh it's okay," looking all magnanimous.

hur hur hur.

and i wonder why bad things happen to me.

in any case, i think i have a crush on one of my colleagues. he has a big butt! i mean, there's nothing wrong with having a big butt but i rarely see men with big bottoms. however, he says the weirdest things that crack me up!

hur hur hur hur hur hur hur.

'crack' me up.

hur hur hur.

ahh. how i amuse myself.

i wonder if he's married. i didn't see a wedding ring. but you know, that only gives rise to the possibility of him being gay.

with my luck, chances are he probably is as gay as...well, whatever it is that is super gay.

Super Gay!

there ought to be a superhero with that moniker.

i shall shut up and cry now. or actually, wait for Grey's Anatomy. I always cry watching that damn show.

2006-06-18T23:39:00.000+08:00

is it a heatwave?

how can it be only 29 degrees celsius? it feels like it's 40!

okay, i've never really experience 40 degrees but this is what i imagine it would be like.

it's sooo hotttt and of all days, my air conditioner has decided to die on me TONIGHT.

aaaaah.

it was leaking the other week and the air con dudes came over to repair it. i had blissfully cool air for a week and then one night, it started leaking grease. or some kind of lubricant.

how annoying.

and then last night, it just quit working.

i hate my air conditioner. Why couldn't it have leaked when it was raining?!

however, it seems like mine's the hottest room in the house; it's cooler outside. why?!

i'm contemplating sleeping in the TV room downstairs but i'm kinda scared of the possible existence of bugs crawling in the room, what it being so close to the garden and all. plus there are ghosts! well, at least i think there are, lurking somewhere.

i've resorted to opening my window, which i have not done for over 10 years. the last time i did, at my old place, a baby snake found its way in. needless to say, i was traumatized. plus, there are ghosts!!! they fly, don't they?

i thought about leaving the sliding doors to the balcony open but i was quite worried that a robber might see it as an invitation to enter my room. nevermind that i'm on the third floor. he could have a really really tall ladder.

it's possible!

or a crane! a robber by night, a crane operator by day. it could happen.

i don't think i'll be able to get much sleep tonight.

bah.

2006-06-18T20:35:00.000+08:00

why people dislike me

At the studio where we collected our graduation gown

Auntie: So when you iron, use small fire okay? Don't use big fire.
Me: OH MY GOD! Must use FIRE?!!

hur hur hur.

2006-06-17T23:11:00.000+08:00

i have deformed feet

my feet have sprouted a deformity.

okay, not quite.

but ive noticed that the extreme left toe of my left foot keeps sticking to the toe next to it.

it's scary.

i think i've been wearing bad shoes. i wonder if i point this problem out to my boss, she'll allow me to wear flip flops to work.

hmmm. i wonder if it's worth putting my job on the line, just to get a kick out of irritating my boss.

hur hur.

i am tired. i shall go to sleep!

have you bought your daddy a gift? in celebration of fathers' day, of course.

2006-06-17T09:53:00.000+08:00

Hello?! AH CHONG AH?!!

My colleague and I were talking yesterday about a prank call she received recently. She said she felt as though she was transported back to her past because well, you usually receive prank calls when you're a teenager.

This then led to me relating my story, as a teenage girl, to her. How naive and foolish I was. Back in the past, the Teens magazine had a special Classifieds section, where you can advertise to sell your crap there. I'm not sure if they still have it or if they still have the magazine, in the first place. hur hur hur.

in any case, i used to be an avid reader of the Sweet Valley series back then and accumulated so many books that I had to sell some of them off. being the business-savvy teenager i was then, i placed an advertisement. however, i was stupid enough to include my phone number.

now Sweet Valley books were about these two twin teenage girls and how they basically led their lives, etc. and the target audience was obviously for girls.

Of course, NONE of the callers were female. and i actually received a phone call from a guy who asked, "What colour underwear are you wearing? Would you like to sell them to me?"

hur hur.

oh the sick perverts.

i was undeniably traumatized but well, at least it taught me a lesson. hur hur hur.

As I grew older, my role changed and I was the pranker instead of the prankee. When we were studying for our O-Levels exams at the airport, Yaya and I would call up guys we liked and also random strangers from the phone book, looking for the elusive Ah Chong and the following conversation would ensue:

Yaya: HELLO? AH CHONG AH??!!!
Stranger: Sorry? You've got the wrong number.
Yaya: AIYAH!!! AH CHONG AH! WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!
Stranger: You've got the wrong number!!!
Yaya: AH CHONG AH! AH CHONG!!!!!

and it would continue until the person hangs up or we couldn't contain our laughter anymore.

hur hur hur.

ahhhhh. those were the days.

2006-06-17T01:57:00.000+08:00

winda is sad

i am sad because Cote d'Ivoire lost.

sniff.

they played so well! they deserved at least a draw. i swore i thought i was going to have a heart attack several times.

hur hur.

in any case, i had a great time tonight. because i got a free dinner! hur hur hur.

i went for dinner with my friends to celebrate the fact that i passed my exams. and they gave me a treat instead.

i should have ordered more food. damn.

hur hur hur.

but i think we ordered enough. the waiter was laughing because we ordered so much. he must have thought, "oh dear god, we're going to run out of food! and we'd have to close the restaurant for a week!"

ahhh it was a good dinner though.

okay i must sleep now. i'm so sleepy. it's way past my bedtime. hur hur.

2006-06-15T22:05:00.000+08:00

we're in alaska?

as i've mentioned, i'd never knocked off from work on time ever since i started one month ago (today's my 1 month anniversary with the organization! hur hur hur.) and apparently my boss noticed. honestly, i don't do it to show her what a hard worker i am because i'm not (hur hur), i do it because there's so much work to be done and i can never get everything done in 9 hours. hur hur. in any case, earlier this evening, she seemed concerned that i hadn't left and kept insisting that i went home.

Boss: You can go home, you know, Winda? It's okay. You can go home!
Me: I knooow! hur hur hur. I just need to get this done!
Boss: You know, I was talking to Jenny (not my supervisor's real name, obviously) about how hard you've been working and I think you deserve a nice lunch. Let's go out for lunch tomorrow, okay?
Me: Ahh...
Boss: Yeah. Somewhere nearby maybe? That place, what is it called, Anchorage?
Me: Yeah except we're not in Alaska! hur hur hur.
Boss: (throws me an annoyed look)
Me: Maybe Anchorpoint? hur hur hur.

I bet that the day my boss decides to fire my ass would be the day she decides I've annoyed her enough with my lame ass corny jokes. hur hur hur.

anyway, one of the directors where i work is this ang moh guy from God knows where. he'd always been very curt and cold and never smiled and i'd always wondered why. today i found out the reason why. i was looking through photos to pick a few for the corporate website and i found a picture of him smiling.

he has a GREY tooth!

hur hur hur hur hur hur.

no WONDER he doesn't smile on a regular basis.

hur hur hur hur.

okay. i should stop making fun of people.

okay okay. i will stop after making fun of the next two people. remember the annoying bitch from upstairs who refused to teach me how to use the franking machine? I was standing over her one day, waiting for her to give me the stationery I ordered, and I noticed white flakes on her scalp.

SEE?! BAD THINGS happen to bad people. Nothing good comes out of being mean to Winda.

there was also this guy who sent me a rather bitchy email because i got the salutation for one of the professors wrong. how the hell was i supposed to know the dude was a professor? apparently he had expected me to be psychic. in any case, it was an unwelcomed email because it was like my first week at work and this guy was already scolding me. my boss apologized on my behalf and about two weeks later, i finally met him. he came to my desk to pass me a brochure and i asked who he was. i had already guessed who it was but i wanted to be sure.

i swear to you, he looked petrified. or, okay, uncomfortable. hur hur hur. he paused before telling me his name. i just pretended as though i had forgotten who he was and he seemed relieved. a week later, i went to his desk to get something approved and saw that he had hairy hands.

hur hur hur.

seriously.

that dude was one hairy son of a bitch.

hur hur hur.

and absolutely unsexy.

hur hur hur.

Ahhh. God is so fair.

hur hur.

2006-06-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

work amuses me

My boss has been really annoying lately. She keeps wanting to rewrite the copy on ads when the material deadline is a day away. And she keeps calling me and my supervisor to her desk to tell us how the various copy can be rewritten. Anyone can rewrite the copy. We just don't give enough of a shit to do something that should be done by the ad agency.

hur hur hur hur.

anyway, one of my responsibilities is to email all the employees a copy of articles featuring our organization. In doing so, I have to include a short summary of what the article is about. A bit of background info here, the reason why I'm temping there is because I do not possess a degree in Mass Comm, which is apparently needed for the job because it involves writing. However, I think they're having some trouble in finding someone with that qualification, so my boss has been trying to assess my level of ability in writing.

One of the ways is by giving me the responsibility of writing short summaries of the abovementioned articles. Thank God Mrs. Verma taught me how to. hur hur.

in any case, as usual, i wrote a summary and i sent it to my boss for approval. She then called me and the following conversation ensued:

Boss: Winda, you can write, you know. You can write.
Me: Why, thank you! It was a skill I picked up when I was in kindergarten. Thanks for noticing!

hur hur.

okay, I didn't say that. but i wanted to.

Boss: Winda, you can write, you know. You can write.
Me: *giggle*
Boss: No, no. you can write. What did you score for your English in your O's?
Me: Ummm. B3? hur hur hur.
Boss: Were you expecting a better grade?
Me: No, worse actually. My command of English was rubbish back then. hur hur.
Boss: Oh. but you can write you know. Maybe it's something you picked up from your dad.
Me: Oh dear God no. He writes in Malay. You'd be appalled if I were to do that.

hur hur.

she seems to think that my dad is like some kind of superpower that rules the earth. come on. he was the man who taught me to pick my nose if someone stared at me and i wanted to avoid a fight.

hur hur.

in ANY case, my colleagues and i went to Anchorpoint for lunch today and there was a SHOE SALE!!!!!! Starting from $10!!!

It was awesome! But I didn't get any because they didnt have the ones I wanted in my size. so sad. my colleagues bought 5 pairs of shoes in all. tsk tsk. hur hur. and on our way back to the office, we were intercepted by one of the big bosses. oops. but you know, it was worth it. $200 boots for only $30?! They're a steal!!!

anyway, something funny happened today. hur hur hur. recently i sent a brief to the printing company for a new flyer. In the brief, it says, "Back cover page: To include standard bar with corporate information and logos of awards". I also told the CRO working the job to use our corporate colour, which was red.

The first proof came in today and the flyer was in green, blue and yellow. All the colours of the rainbow EXCEPT red. hur hur hur. AND, instead of finding the bar with our corporate info and the various logos in the back cover page, I saw the words "To include standard bar with corporate information and logos of awards".

hur hur hur.

they had just copied and pasted the damn text without reading it. hur hur hur. My colleague who ordered the job said, "I think they probably got an intern to do it. I mean, an adult would have some common sense not to do that, right?"

I just said, "You would think that."

hur hur.

He then walked off to his desk but stopped halfway to say, "I think I need to get a pillow for my chair. My backside is thinning."

HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR.

WHY DO I work with such weirdos?!!!

2006-06-13T22:38:00.000+08:00

i am RICH! RICH, i tell ya!

okay, i'm not really. but i got my pay today! how exciting! i finally get to buy my phone! How terribly spendthrift-ish of me, eh? I've waited 6 months for this so who cares. hur hur.

in any case, i worked 12 hours today. the company should present me with the Best Employee of the Month Award. I was busy clearing emails, if you can believe that. It is annoying how my colleagues are Cc psychos. they cc every email to me, especially those that i don't give a shit about. hur hur. but i'm not cc-ed for emails that i really need to know about. tsk.

because i was on half-day leave yesterday, i returned to a desk swamped with ads/brochures/clippings for me to clear. when my desk ran out of space, my colleagues left crap on my chair. it was very exciting to be greeted by a mass of papers in the morning.

anyway, i spent time chatting with my work boyfriend instead of clearing my workload, so that was probably i had to stay till 8.30pm. hur hur hur. it was a pretty amusing conversation. hur hur.

W: Helloooo Mr. Chong.

WB: Heyyy Winda, what's up?

W: That's Miss Guntor to you.

WB: What's that, German? What's the deal here? Are you Malay or what?

W: I am a SINGAPOREAN, okay. I'm not Indonesian or anything like that! And if I were German, it'd be Gunter. hur hur.

WB: Nooo. It's just that you sound Malay but your name doesn't.

W: Oh. Well, I am. Anyway, with regards to the ad...WAIT A MINUTE. I sound Malay? What's that supposed to mean? Do I sound like a MINAH?! Oh dear God!!! DO I?!

WB: Noooo. It's just that Malays are often articulate.

W: Oh. haha. that's a first.

WB: So if someone were to ask you what was your race, what would you say?

W: Malay lah! Well my I/C says I'm Javanese but yeah, Malay.

WB: Oh. I'm from Malaysia.

After expressing my shock and disbelief (because he speaks just like a singaporean), we started talking about durians and how I've been to more places in Malaysia than he has. And I shared shopping tips with him (Buy Gap clothes from the Factory Outlet Store! Cheap cheap!) and well, it was amusing. I'm going to be sad when their contract with us ends. Because that means I'll stop working with him and start working with girls.

Sniff.

How unexciting.

Anyway, I'm starting to think that I need to include my nationality on my resume because maybe the reason why I haven't been getting many interviews is because people think I'm not Indonesian. Stupid misleading name! People are always asking if I'm local. If they haven't met me and have only seen my name, they'll ask if I'm Indonesian. If they have met me, they'll ask if I'm Malaysian.

hur hur hur.

such a sad life i lead!